The Pretense
by xLebeaux
Summary: There's a beginning and an end, but what about all that happens in between? There's an inevitable pull towards the remnants of what's left behind. Her walls have been built,but Remy finds it hard to be anywhere but beside her come hell or high water ROMY.
1. Roomies and Rings

**There is always a beginning and an end, but what about the things that happen in between?**

**Small Summary: **

_It has been a year since she saw him last. Trust had been the hardest thing for her. People always leave, things never change. Years of her life she had dealt with things beyond her control, even being 26 years old did not change that life was a bitch. Rogue is pushing everything away. Unwilling to tear open the sutures of her heart to let Remy in again, not after going through that hurt. Too much has happened and people don't change. And Remy? He is desperately trying to make her realize that he can't be anywhere but beside her. He was the one to break her…and he cannot be the one that does that to her again. _

**Welcome to the story readers. Thank you for checking this out, I do hope it interests you and keeps you reading. I will give a quick break down of some of the characters and their ages just so you have an idea.**

**Rogue (Anna Raven)- 26 **

**Kitty Pryde-25**

**Remy Lebeau- 28**

**Jean and Scott Summers- 27 (married with a newborn)**

**Piotr Rasputin- 28 **

**St. John Allerdyce- 27 **

**Rachael Summers- 7 months old**

**Wanda Maximoff- 26**

**Kurt Wagner-25**

**Bobby Drake, Sam Guthrie, Ray Crisp, Jubilation Lee - 23 **

**Amara- 22**

**Jamie- 20 **

**Rahne Sinclair- 21. **

**Here we go people. Everything will fall into place soon, but here is the beginning. Aaand—action!**

"**The Pretense"**

xXx

"_When your tears are spent on your last pretense and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense. When it's in your spine, like you've walked for miles and the only thing you want is just to be still for a while."_

xXx

There was the small hum of music that floated softly throughout the room. It was a small room, but spacious to say the least. The walls were a shade of blue and the carpet a light color. Pushed up against the one side of the room was a bed, which was directly placed next to a window. The comforter was a teal color and the pillows held a lighter pearl hue. The room had all the essentials that made up a standard female's room. A desk was set not too far with a planner spread open. There were a variety of books and pages that could be seen. Some were sketch books and sketches, and many were articles, folders, and newspaper clippings. A book shelf held a somewhat extensive collection of books, the classics and the favorites. The room, though not a complete black hole, was slightly in disarray, different articles of clothing draped over furniture, shoes , bags and other personal items scattered on the floor, and a dresser that was home to a number of items. There were different hair products, perfume, accessories and a few other personal items that lay on top of the mahogany dresser. The mirror that was attached to the dresser displayed someone's personal life in the form of small photos that were placed on the edges of the mirrors frame. The photos were neatly placed and made their way around the edge of the mirror, leaving plenty of space for the viewer to see her reflection in the middle.

At a glance, the snapshots all seemed to be genuine moments that the people posed for. One had a young girl, early 20's with blue eyes, simple brown hair that was cut to be shoulder length with side bangs that swept across her face. Her arm was wrapped around another young girl who looked about the same age, if not older. Her hair was two toned, auburn with two white streaks that framed her face and went at least five inches past her shoulders. They both were smiling, the shorter girl looking more ecstatic than the other.

The resident of the room was on her bed, a few documents spread out and now underneath her sleeping form. She had fallen asleep on the work that lay before her out of exhaustion and most likely stress. Her brow was crinkled and her forehead was slightly shiny with sweat. She could not stop thinking about him… about what happened. It was racing through her head and she could feel the empty feeling returning to her stomach. Her breaths became shaky with the thoughts that plagued her mind.

xXx

"_What are you saying?"_

"_That Remy made a mistake…an he ain't exactly in d' right. Chere—"_

"_Don't call meh that anymore, Ah don't want to hear it—" _

"_Please…Rogue—"_

_He could not bear the sight of her looking broken, knowing that he was the one who caused it made him ache. She was trying so hard to keep those tears back._

"_Don't! Ah don't want to hear anymore!"_

"_Please, believe m-."_

"_Ah can't Remy, Ah can't believe this!"_

"_I know y'not ok, and neither am I Chere! 'Dis be killin' me… but I gotta take care of it. Remy's so sorry y' got mixed up in this."_

"_Do what you want, it's your life, who am Ah to tell y' what to do!" She pushed passed him wanting to leave it all behind…_

_xXx_

She could not handle her uncontrollable subconscious; she awoke with a gasp, flaying her body around trying to figure out where she was, what time it was, and if he was there. She looked next to her, then around her bedroom, same as always, it was void of him and his possessions. He was not there. She knew better by now, but it still hurt. She knew she should not care, to just forget about it and continue to kick herself for ever caring in the first place. Everyone else has been moving along just fine in life, why hadn't she? Rogue looked all around her and saw her work spread out over her bed. She breathed out a dissatisfied "Damn it.", mentally kicking herself for falling asleep. She then rested her head in her hand and tried to take a few deep calming breaths.

After a few moments, Rogue ran a hand through the white pieces of hair that did not successfully stay in the messy bun that pulled the rest of her strands back into submission. She looked up when she heard the clinging of keys and a door opening, and a pair of footsteps eagerly making their way to the entrance of her room. No sooner was Kitty popping her petite form into the room, still in her dress clothes she had gone out in from earlier. The girl was completely beaming and holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses. Rogue mentally told herself to shake it off and suck it up. She gave Kitty a quick smile.

"Heya Kit, didn't think you'd be coming back tonight this late… and ever hear of knocking?"

"Um this is my apartment too Rogue, and plus I think you can make an exception considering your roommate is about to burst with good news!"

"Yeah, you look giddier than usual. Ah'm actually a little scared. But, you know, that's not too odd when living with you." Rogue stated, quickly wiping away the sweat from her forehead.

"Oh Pleas—wait, you are still working on this?" Kitty gestured to all the papers and folders on her roommate's bed and juggled the bottle and glasses as she shimmied off her pea coat.

"Uh, yeah. Work's just crazy. Had to finish writing mah piece, have to get it ready to edit and be prepped for critique. Then Ah just need to get a start on those outlines"

"Girl, I, like, swear they run you ragged. My job's absolutely insane too but you should be able to breathe. And you know what, they are lucky to have you at that place!"

"Kit, don't worry about it. It's no biggie." Rogue was quick to change the subject, not wanting to let the conversation linger on her work life, "C'mon what's with the champagne?"

Kitty began to smile from ear to ear again, and Rogue noticed that her eyes began to gloss over. Geez, this was apparently one of those 'big news' kinds of things.

"Rogue, I had to tell you first! I really wanted Jean and Wanda here too, but I am like so on cloud nine right now, I have a million butterflies in my stomach and I totally cannot stop smiling, Ah!" Kitty kicked off her shoes and jumped on Rogue's bed excitedly. Rogue, completely confused, but equally amused, just cocked a brow and gave kitty a prying look.

"What's goin' on Kitty?"

Kitty took a deep breath to calm herself down but only regained her high when she finally told her friend what had happened.

"Piotr proposed! Rogue, we're, like, engaged! I'm getting married!" she held up her hand, and there as plain as daylight was a classy engagement band with a diamond in the middle with small clusters on the side.

Rogue watched as her friend squealed out the words, a few tears making their way down her face. Kitty leaned in and hugged her friend, Rogue returned the hug and, after getting over her initial shock, was finally able to say, "Oh my God…Kitty, Congrats. Ah-Ah can't believe this." To be honest she could believe that Piotr would do it. The past few years both Kitty and Piotr had been inseparable. She guessed it was just a matter of time, but it still did not derail the shock that went through her body. She could not believe that another friend of hers was getting married.

"Rogue? Are you okay?"

Rogue did not even notice that she had starred off with a distant look of sadness spread across her features.

"Yeah, of course Kit…Ah'm just so happy for you."

Kitty's face softened, and wondered if her friend really was okay. She knew it would not be the easiest thing for Rogue to take considering the past circumstances.

"Are you sure, Rogue I, like, so did not want to make you hurt by bringing anything up. I totally could have held off I was just thinking that you are, like, my best friend I had to tell you first. I didn't mean to flaunt anything, I mean I know how sad you still get about—"

"Kit! Slow down, Ah'm fine." Rogue grabbed her friend by the shoulders and stopped her mid rant. Kitty looked slightly unconvinced and concerned. Rogue took a deep breath and looked at Kitty and gave her a genuine smile.

"Ah'm better Kitty, Ah am. This is not about meh, don't worry about it alright. This is your time, you're engaged. Piotr is amazing and so good to you and Ah'm so glad you told meh when you did. Relax, Ah'm really okay."

Kitty exhaled with relief.

"It's just…I know you've been going through stuff Rogue. I didn't want to, like, bring anything to the front of your mind that you don't want there—"

"So, how about that champagne?"

"Rogue—"

"Ah'll pour it."

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't be. Cheers?"

Rogue had poured the champagne into the glasses and held one out to Kitty while balancing her own in her hand. Kitty already knew that the certain subject was a touchy one for her friend. She wasn't going to try and push her, she would try to avoid bring up any painful memories tonight. They were going to relax and enjoy their time as roommates. She accepted the glass and both shared a light smile with the other.

"Yeah, Cheers." They clanked their glasses.

"So, how'd he do it Kit?"

That was enough to keep Kitty smiling and occupied for 45 minutes. Crisis adverted. Rogue could not handle any concerned looks, not anymore. Not from Logan, Kurt, Jean, Scott, and not from Kitty, not when she announces she is going to get married. She relaxed and zoned in on Kitty and her story, completely immersing herself in her friends night and she walked her through it step by step. Kitty was so happy, she could not stop talking. Rogue wondered when she would come up for air, but she just found a way to keep going, making oxygen itself seem obsolete.

About an hour later the two were in their living room both lounging and sharing stories back and forth about when they were younger and the past few years. They had gone through the bottle of champagne and now Rogue was working on her second beer while Kitty was still getting through her first.

"Remember the year Wanda lived here too?" Rogue said reminiscently

"Yeah, yeah, and John was like all over her and she was all like 'back off orange haired psycho!' They were over here all the time! I remember we all hung out. John always flirting with Wanda, Jean and Scott on Cinco de Mayo, totally wasted, we were at their place for that one! Well, Remy was the one that actually convinced them to drink that much."

"Yeah…" Rogue shifted her gaze uncomfortably. Kitty caught her own moment of stupidity and slapped her head.

"Ah, I'm sorry Rogue I feel like an idiot, it's just my memories are all of us, you know. I didn't mean—"

"You want another beer? Ah need another."

Kitty just shook her head and watched as Rogue tried to quickly finish the one she had.

"Rogue, you have no idea how much I am going to miss this." Kitty stated, referring to their times spent together. She was hesitant of bringing up the other part of the news she had yet to give about herself and Piotr.

"Kit Ah'm not going anywhere you act like you are moving across the country. We are still roommates." Rogue downed the rest of her beer and got up to make her way to the kitchen for another one.

"Right." Kitty said quietly and began to twirl around her necklace. "You know, him and John are good friends, Piotr too. Maybe he still talks to them?" She knew it was a sore topic but she thought at this point anything might just make Rogue feel the tiniest bit better. She watched her friend that she had known, all of 10 years now, shrug as she slammed her new bottle of beer against the counter to remove the bottle cap. Kitty was not even going to try to convince Rogue that she really didn't need another beer, Rogue was an adult and it's not like she was some crazy raging alcoholic. But Kitty knew that Rogue was going through a rough patch, and that she would have a few more drinks than she usually did.

Ten whole years had gone by since they met, Kitty had been fifteen and Rogue had been sixteen and they could not have been more opposite. Ten years later and here they were, having battled a number of problems, and then some, since then. 25 and 26 years old, they lived together without having murdered the other. A true accomplishment. They'd grown close, got to know each other a bit more and ended up getting through the past three years of living together in the apartment. Man, their apartment had memories written all over it due to the past three years. Their place was almost a new, more grown up version of home to them. Apart from the mansion, it truly served as their secondary home. Once Rogue had moved out of the Institute for classes and later, her career, Kitty was not far behind, begging Rogue to let her live in the two bedroom apartment, that it would be so great and so cool. Majority of the time it was pretty fun. The rest of the time, temperamental southerners and over emotional valley girls made for an interesting match, especially during PMS.

"Actually…I didn't wanna have to mention something tonight, but I don't think I can, like, hold off…"

"What?"

"I may have a little bad news."

"Bad news? Please Kit. It's your engagement night. You should not have any bad news" Rogue took her seat next to Kitty again. Rogue, having a few drinks in her system, had no control over how strong her facial barrier was. Kitty could tell, she was worn out and not as okay as she played it off to be.

"No your right, don't worry it's nothing like that. I guess more so sad news…about me living here."

Rogue sat up and gave her friend her full attention.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no. Piotr and I have been talking for a while…about moving in together. And now that we are engaged it's the opportune time. We were talking about it and thought it might be good to make it happen as soon as we can. I would have to move out…of here, probably in a few short weeks."

The way her night was going Rogue should have probably seen another one of these "Oh." moments coming.

"Oh."

It was about all she could get out after three full glasses of wine and almost three beers. Truth be told, Kitty moving out was not a foreign concept for Rogue to grasp. Of course Kitty was going to move out sooner or later. But the moment actually came where they were having the conversation. Of course she was going to move in with him. It only made sense. She would never admit it…but she got pretty comfortable with Kitty being around. No matter how annoying she was, she still was a constant.

"I mean, Rogue, I told him I wanted to talk to you just because, well we have lived together for three years now and I don't want to just spring this on you and leave. You haven't really been the same since what happened with Re-"

"Kitty, it's okay. You are engaged, you guys should move in together. Ah will be okay, Ah promise." Rogue definitely did not want her friend to feel guilty about this one.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Kitty looked down and her beer and set it down on the coffee table. She ran a hand through her disheveled hair and gave Rogue a look.

"Rogue… I will, like, miss living with you so much. I don't want to leave you alone."

"Ah'm not alone. Ah will still see you all the time."

"I don't mean like that. I mean like…when you say you are okay, but then you still feel sad. I know that it's been different since it happened with him. Trust me, we were, like, friends too and everything. I don't want to leave you alone to deal with it all on your own."

"Kitty he left. Ah have been dealing with this on mah own for a long time."

"And maybe that's what worries me. That you never would, like, talk about it. It's not healthy for you Rogue."

"Ah'm an adult. Ah can handle mahself. You are a great friend and Ah know what you are getting at. And you are the best for wanting to always be there for me, but really, stop worrying."

Kitty felt defeated. Rogue was being evasive…again. After ten years of knowing the girl she should really be used to this by now but she wasn't. She was, however, used to letting it go.

"Alright, if you say you are good, then I believe you."

"Great. Now, moving on…" Rogue's eyes shifted away. Clearly they were done with talking about anything related to Rogue's personal life. They sat there a while longer until they both finished their beers, talking about near future plans for when Kitty would move out, what Rogue's plans were if she decided to rent out Kitty's room or not, and silly things that little baby Rachael did whenever either of them would babysit for Scott and Jean. Looking at the clock Kitty stretched and let out an exhausted sigh

"I'm like actually about to pass out. I'm heading to bed it's been such a long night. See ya tomorrow if you're not already out the door."

"You're right, Ah'm pretty beat too." Rogue stood up and grabbed all the bottles and glasses from the table, before Kitty was completely out of sight, Rogue caught her with a "Hey, Kitty?"

"Yeah?"

"Seriously, Congratulations." With that said she moved the bottles to the kitchen.

Kitty gave a nod and a smile and continued to her bedroom.

Once Rogue heard the door close, she leaned against the counter in the kitchen and stood there for a minute, jaw set together tightly and eyes fixated ahead of her. The tears that begged to fall were held back yet again. She wanted to move but found that her body was not going to listen. Instead, she slid down until she met the floor. Bringing her knees to her chest, Rogue rested her head on top of them and let the feeling of emptiness take over.

xXx

**And that's the beginning folks. Hope you enjoyed. No Remy in this chapter, but many references to him were made.**

**So we enter the lives of these two residents. We get hints that something had clearly happened in the past with Remy and Rogue, but the question is what happened and why? Looks like Rogue is having a tough time with life post-everything that has happened in the past, and apparently her best friend getting engaged is a painful and emotional experience, we wonder if it has something to do with what happened with her in Remy maybe, hmm. We also get the reference to baby Rachael, Scott and Jeans daughter, and that Rogue can't believe that another one of her friends is getting married and moving forward in their life. **

**Hope you guys enjoy this, it will be a good fic. And there will be a good number of flashbacks soon enough and then you will be able to piece together the puzzle and have everything revealed. Thanks for reading! Thoughts, comments? Review and let me know :)**

**-Lebs. **


	2. No Coffee, No Remy

**A special "Thank you" to **_**bluebird113, Evolution2000, winchestergirl27, romy-with-romance, and RogueRecruit **_**for the reviews, I appreciate your interest and comments :) **

**I hope you like this next part, so on with the Story—**

"**The Pretense"**

xXx

_When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath,  
>When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.<em>

xXx

One thing Rogue absolutely loathed was the sound of her damn alarm clock in the morning. God, what an awful sound. Satan himself created the sound of the alarm. She covered her pillow over her head and growled. She felt that she had only fallen asleep a little while ago and yet the alarm continued to deprive her of any more sleep. She peeked out from under the pillow and saw 6:59 flash to 7:00am. Her eyes slowly began to close until it registered in her mind that it was 7am. She shot up from her bed frantically and got out, only to trip over the sheets that her feet were caught in.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

Two weeks had passed since Kitty's news about the proposal. She had spread their engagement like wild fire the very next day after telling Rogue, and Piotr himself had contacted his family back in Russia to inform them of his new fiancé. Their apartment was torn apart and covered with Kitty's items. Moving boxes scattered the floor and only a few actually had items within them. They still had a tremendous amount of work ahead of them. Kitty really hadn't been joking when she said she was 'on cloud nine.' She was always smiling, more than usual, and Rogue could swear she saw a skip in her step. The peppiness was quite annoying at times. But, it was great, the entire situation was great, it really was. At least that is what Rogue continued to tell herself. Then she would beat herself down for ever once letting her friend's engagement put her in a downer of a mood. She did not want to be this way, but she kept on seeing flashes of him in her head, never once being able to forget about their past situation, and that he was not here. No Remy. Not here at least. She could not linger on that…it was better for her this way. Because if they had continued with the way things were, they would have only ended up on a harmful path. That was the thought she had to keep at the forefront of her mind, to keep away any feelings of regret or sorrow.

Her hair was in shambles and in one quick motion she tied it back inefficiently. Once back on her two feet, she rushed out of her room and to the kitchen. She seriously had to get herself into gear; the day ahead of her was already going to be a long and tiring one. Grabbing a coffee cup, Rogue darted towards the coffee pot, snatched it off of its heating plate, and poured herself a luke-warm drink.

Frustrated with the small amount of liquid left in the pot, she glared down at the despicably small cup of coffee and decided to release her pent up annoyance and frustration onto Kitty, considering she was the only one Rogue could be unreasonable with in the morning. That's a lie. She could be unreasonable with anyone that crossed her path when she woke up.

"Kitty! It's 7am! Ah slept in! Ah always wake you up if you sleep in! Why didn't you wake meh!" She shouted, hearing Kitty fumbling around in her own room. She was aware of the fact that she was a full grown adult, and could 'take care of herself' but honestly, she just needed to vent.

Kitty stuck her head out of her room and glared at Rogue. 'Battle of the Roommates' was about to begin.

"I did! You tried to bite me!"

"Ah'm behind! There is like no coffee, and it is all cold and gross now! Ah hate gross coffee kitty, Ah hate mornings and Ah hate that Ah slept in!"

It was evident that they both were short tempered this morning and that they were going to have to deal with the other is a less then mature manner.

"I told you I tried to wake you up, and as far as coffee goes, sleepers, weepers!"

"Kitty! Stop acting like you're five!"

"Oh, go pout in the shower."

Rogue placed her hand on her hip and simply started at her friend.

"Kitty. Ah have officially rubbed off on you."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "Light a fire under it, you can still catch up with everything"

Rogue ran to start the shower but continued to hold a conversation with Kitty.

"Ah won't be able to stop at the Institute this morning to see Kurt for a bit at this rate."

"You promised. Good luck with living that down after skipping out two times alread—"She began to reprimand Rogue while applying her lipstick until she heard the loud blasting noise of Rogue's music choice, making Kitty cringe.

_Show me how to lie  
>You're getting better all the time<br>And turning all against the one  
>Is an art that's hard to teach<br>Another clever word  
>Sets off an unsuspecting herd<br>And as you step back into line  
>A mob jumps to their feet<em>

"God—Rogue! Turn that off!"

"It's an _Offspring_ kind of a morning!"

"That's a crude band"

"Your face is crude!"

"Rogue!"

"Ah can't hear you!"

"God, there is like, nothing I hate more than you being unreasonable in the morning."

Kitty growled. Some mornings were better than others. Mornings such as this one brought out both their immature sides. The music could be heard from her room. Kitty grabbed her jacket and tied the sash around the middle. She could still hear the music playing as she headed out of her room and into their living area to grab her purse and her keys. She grabbed the layouts for her next project and tucked them into her one carry bag. Working in interior design required a lot of organization and a lot of accurate layouts and planning, to properly plan furnishings for a space, she always had to prepare "to scale" drawings of the space and the intended furnishings.

As she was about to head out the door, their home phone rang. Kitty looked at her watched and thought she'd let the machine get it, but after a few more rings she decided to just take the call, and went to answer the cordless phone.

"Hello?"

"_Petite?"_

Kitty's mouth dropped. She could not believe who was on the other line. Her heart began to race rapidly and thought of her friend that was in the shower. She heard the falling of water cease from the bathroom, and felt like a deer about to get caught in the headlights.

"Remy?"

"I jus'…how is she?"

Kitty wanted to answer but heard the door of the bathroom open.

"Remy, I like, can't talk now." She whispered somewhat harshly into the phone.

She heard the bustle of Remy moving on the other end of the receiver. What did he want to say? What did he want to know? Well, duh, he wanted Rogue, but…oh God, what would Rogue say? Rogue! She had forgotten that she was just another room away. She heard Rogue's footsteps and quickly whispered into the phone,

"Gotta go!" She slammed down the phone into the cradle as if it were poisonous to touch.

"Kitty?"

"What! I like, didn't do anything!" she squeaked out. It was about all she could do considering Rogue herself had not seen or heard from Remy in a year, and just a few seconds ago he was on the other line of the phone.

Rogue gave Kitty a curious look "Um, Ah just wanted to borrow your black boots."

The music from the bathroom was still playing and Kitty's heart continued to beat fast and with each thump all she could hear was _'tell her…tell her…tell her.' _Unfortunately, Kitty decided to ignore the thumping commands.

_With a thousand lies  
>And a good disguise<br>Hit 'em right between the eyes  
>Hit 'em right between the eyes<br>When you walk away  
>Nothing more to say<br>See the lightning in your eyes  
>See 'em running for their lives!<em>

"Yeah, sure! They're under my bed- I have to go now, but see you later at the Institute for that dinner? Oh, and I really think you should stop at the mansion this morning, otherwise Kurt will be on your case. Logan included."

Rogue only rolled her eyes and shot Kitty a quick "Thanks." Kitty walked out of the apartment and once outside she sighed, knowing completely well that her mind was going to be racing the whole afternoon, in concern for her friend and for the phone call she had answered. She was not planning on being in the middle of anything, and yet she knew she was, at this moment, the pickle in the middle.

'_I knew I shouldn't have answered'_ she thought.

xXx

"Come on Rachael, you did it yesterday. Please blow kissies for mommy"

The infant stared at her mother and cocked her head slightly, eyes wide and full of interest, for her mother sat in front of her desperately waiting for her daughter to comply to her requests. When Rachael decided to react, she instead tilted far to the side until she tipped over completely. When she was on the floor she giggled uncontrollably and wriggled her way onto her back.

Jean sighed and just smiled at her daughter. "Well, alright then."

They were in the living room area at the Mansion, it was almost 8am and there were different students walking past, bustling around prepping themselves for their day. Jean and Scott had made a home within a home, about a year ago they decided to stay at the mansion instead of moving out into their own place. They had expanded their room after their wedding and made it into a small living apartment in the upper part of the mansion. The professor was more than happy to accommodate the couples need since they did not want to leave just yet. The Institute was thriving, with a handful of new students and it not only consisted of training and team sessions, but also expanded to have certain classes and schooling. Granted many, if not all the students, still attended Bayville High, but the institute was an addition to their education and learning. The classes consisted of somewhat higher preparatory materials to keep each student on track and exceed to learn even more. Jean taught a few of the educational courses and Scott did many of the training courses along with 'in the classroom work'. Through the years, the students had either gone on their own paths for college, or stayed to help out with the grounds and daily doings at the mansion, but bottom line each student was sooner or later drawn back to live at the mansion, either if it was to come for visiting, board for the summer time, or to teach and assist the home that had been so good to them.

Jean picked up the little baby girl and rubbed her own nose against Rachael's, only sending her into another round of giggles. She turned her head and noticed that Kurt was headed her way.

"Hey Kurt." She smiled at him as he came and sat on the floor with the two red headed girls.

"Hi Jean. I vas vondering, is Rogue here yet? "

"Not yet, but she said she was on her way." Kurt nodded and smiled, then stuck his tongue out in Rachael's direction. Jean then handed her over to Kurt whom she immediately clung to.

"Thanks again for watching her, Kurt. I have got to get moving to meet with some of the students."

"It's no problem. See you in a bit. Say bye Rachael!" Kurt helped hold up her arm and made a 'bye bye' wave. Jean kissed the top of her daughters head and then left the living room.

Kurt lifted the baby up so she was eye level with him, he then immediately began to coddle her.

"And we are going to have a good time. Yes we are. You vill even see Auntie Rogue today!"

As if on cue, he heard someone make their way through the front entrance of the mansion, the opening and closing of the door quick and swift. A blur of a person had opened the door and hurriedly made her way to the kitchen, passing up the living room where Kurt starred confused.

"Rogue?" he called out

"Ah am so sorry Kurt, Ah can't stay long!" she shouted back.

He could hear the shifting and clanging of dishes in the kitchen. He stood up with Rachael in his arms and walked to meet Rogue. Once he entered he saw her throwing away a few items, and noticed her planner on the table opened up with some scribbles in it. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed with frustration mumbling something about waking up late. She had an empty coffee mug from earlier that she had brought. She removed the lid and looked in his direction.

"Hey, how's it going? Is there still coffee?"

"I think zat is a new pot there." He gestured to her in the direction of the coffee maker.

She filled the cup to the top, and then immediately took a sip.

She caught her brother just staring at her, and only just noticed that he had Rachael with him.

"What?"

"Vould you slow down." It was more of a command than a request.

"Kurt Ah told you, Ah'm sorry. Ah'm a bit behind…" she placed the lid back onto the cup and then took a few steps forward to give him a hug and Rachael a kiss on the head. She extended her small chubby arms to Rogue, grunting and squirming to make Kurt hand her over to Rogue.

"It's just, ve hardly see you."

"Ah'm here all the time."

"You are in and out a lot these days."

"Just been busy."

"Logan asked about you again…Wanted to talk to you"

"Well tell him Ah'm great."

"Yeah vright."

"Listen Kurt, Ah really don't want to do this. Ah will be at dinner tonight Ah promise. We can talk more then okay? Ah have to go to work."

Kurt gave her a disapproving brother look and in defeat Rogue set down her cup and reached out for Rachael. Kurt handed her to Rogue and she began to hug and cling to her, running her hand up and down through Rogue's hair. She and Kurt sat down at the table while Rachael continued to play and talk baby talk.

"Rogue, I don't mean to be on your case, but you need to slow down, you are a blur and ve can't keep up. If it isn't about Gambit, zen okay, I understand. If it's about you're powers acting up again zen all you need to do is ask the professor for help. But vhen it comes to being both those things mixed vith you and your health, ve are going to worry a bit, y'know?"

Not this again. Rogue knew her brother was only trying to help. However, she was past the whole 'people worrying' stage. She could not stand being a bother or a worry. She did not want him to think she was anything but okay.

"You all need to stop. Ah'm really okay and Ah mean it Kurt. Ah have been really busy, and there's been Kitty moving out thing, presentations at work and Ah have helped Jean and Scott out with babysitting too, it's been a crazy few months. Trust me it's just a funk and Ah will be out of it once a few things slow down."

She was not going to leave any room for argument so she smiled and handed Rachael back over to Kurt, much to the baby's dismay. Rogue extended her arms and gave him a quick hug before grabbing her belongings and running out.

"Ah will see you all at dinner tonight."

xXx

All that could be heard from across the bayou was the symphony of crickets, and frogs. He watched as the sun lit up the water and sky.

Remy kept on playing the weak conversation with Kitty over and over again in his head. On some level he was glad Kitty answered…what would have happened if Rogue picked up the phone? What would he have said? Where could he possibly begin?

It's been a year since he had seen her. It's seemed like an eternity and yet it seemed as though just yesterday they were together. They were together for four whole years. And in one night everything went to hell. His past just had to resurface, and her own secrets were just begging to seep out.

Remy Lebeau walked away from the morning landscape before him and moved from outside his balcony into his bedroom. He starred at his dresser and walked over to it in a slow almost hesitant manner. Opening the top drawer, he starred at an object that brought back a flood of memories. He reached down and picked up the small black velvet box and cradled it in his hand. He had been ready, he had planned everything to the last detail. Everything was planned. He was ready for her. All of her. He remembered preparing himself to make such a bold move with his Rogue, having meticulously looked for the perfect ring. What tore him apart was that he never had a chance to give her that perfect ring. Hell, he never had a chance to ask her. None of his plans played out the way he had hoped that last evening with her. Apparently, there was more shit going down in both of their lives that he hadn't been aware of back then.

He sat down in a chair that was situated in the far corner of his room, with the black velvet box still in his hand. He opened the box to stare at the ring. Things had not been the same, nor were they going to go back to the way they were. When it all came down to it, she was all he had.

Remy closed his eyes and held his head in his hand, letting the feelings of emptiness take over.

'_An' y' left her.' _

xXx

**Ah, and slowly things are beginning to come into view. Looks like Remy is finally trying to reach out for contact, leaving Kitty a nervous wreck in concern for Rogue. And Rogue seems to be quite busy these days, making Kurt react with 'Slow down' as the solution. Finally we get a bit of Remy's perspective and get a tiny peek into his head and what might have happened one year ago. However, there is much more to their story then what has been told. Will he reach out and actually talk to Rogue? What will the two do if they see each other again? Is Rogue way over her head with all the stress with her friends, past relationship and work? Or will she inevitably crash and burn? Oh, so may questions. **

**Any theories people? Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter, would love to hear thoughts and opinions, PLEASE REVIEW. **

**Thanks again to the reviewers from last chapter, your interest and comments are greatly appreciated. **

**-Lebs (Also the song Rogue played when showering was "You're Gunna Go Far, Kid" by The Offspring)**


	3. So Long, Apathy

**I am glad you all are enjoying the story so far. Reviewers, I really appreciate your input and comments and I hope you continue to give your own personal feedback. Also thank you to the people who have added the story to their alert or favorites list, I appreciate you reading this. **

**This one is slightly shorter than the others, but that's just because I wanted to get out this part ASAP.**

**And I try my best to edit and catch typos, but if you see any sorry about that!**

**Alright, so you know how this goes—aaand action!**

"**The Pretense"**

xXx

_I can't sleep now, no, not like I used to. I can't breathe in and out like I need to  
>It's breaking ice now to make any movement.<br>What's your vice? You know that mine's the illusion.  
><em>

xXx

Thomas Wolfe once said, _"Y' can't go home again."_

Well…'dat be great fo'ol' American novelist Wolfe. The Old Remy's initial thought: no home means no worries about nostalgia, a search fo' self or a search fo' 'de comforts of some commercialized home. Jus' bein' tied down in general-Remy never needed it.

Honestly, not 'dat long ago, 'dat different Remy would have been fine wit' Wolfe's somewhat depressing philosophy, an' the independent loner of a response t' such a philosophy would have been expected, considering who I used t' be. But I ain't d' same. I will never be d' same.

Of course, dat's also what Wolfe's character George Webber came to realize, 'dat things just don' go in reverse,_ "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory." _According to Wolfe,it just doesn't work in 'de way of reverse. Y' can never go back.

I have done my fair share of readin' and studyin' literature back in d' day. 'De guild would not hear of any of 'dere family members not getting' some worthwhile education. So I know my stuff. For the most part. Some junk jus' don' stick, and as for d' other stuff, it can really hit hard or hit home…

"…_back home to 'de escapes of Time and Memory"._ He said y' can't go back to 'dat. An yet here I stand defying 'dis writer, because I don' go a single day not thinkin' about time an' memories wit' her. I go back to 'dem every day.

So, _"Y'can't go home again_", Eh Tommy boy? Well y' know what? 'De closest I ever be t' a home was when I was wit' 'dis girl. And between me and y', Mr. American novelist, I'd take 'dat girl each an' every time over my family ties, my childhood days, any dreams of glory and fame, over a building with all 'de essentials of life, 'de open and wide countryside and over 'de systems 'dat once seemed everlasting…but are inevitably changin' all the time. She was my family

xXx

Remy Lebeau had not moved. He sat outside on the outdoor swing that was on the guild's mansions front porch. There was a bottle of bourbon and a small glass that was set on a small wooden table beside him. Remy knew the dark was coming and the sun would go down on yet another day, another day of feeling wrong and incomplete. He had looked about this lifeless during the whole course of one year. But even he had a way to semi-cope. Sarcasm, meaningless flirting, and a cocky attitude made for a tough barrier that no one would ever dare try and break through during his time of life post-Rogue. He still could not believe that he called her apartment. He currently flipped and tossed his cellular device up and down with his one hand, not letting the phone drop to the ground. He knew exactly what possessed him to do it, to finally dial those numbers and make contact. The torment of not being with the girl that he had grown so accustomed to having in his life was hitting the brink. Remy Lebeau was no idiot, it did not take a genius to figure that he had made a mistake…not being there with her now, not staying, not fighting hard enough for what he wanted, for what he needed. He was wondering if he made the right decision to leave and cut himself out of her life completely. After what he did, it seemed like it was the only solution that would make life easier for her, to just step aside and get the hell out of the way. That, and he was so very good at running.

Hearing Kitty on the other line earlier made everything more real for Remy. It was a reassurance that all was still in motion in Rogue's life and that Kitty and Rogue still lived together and she was not alone. Not much was said, but Remy had impeccable skills when it came to detecting background noise. The two girls still went through a morning ritual of the morning rush. Remy was a thief, he had trained ears and he heard the music playing in the background. She was obviously in the bathroom showering. It had apparently been an _"Offspring"_ kind of a morning. The fact that it was after seven and _"The Offspring"_ was playing meant she was probably running late. If she slept in that meant she was in a bad mood, and waking up late meant she needed coffee, and lots of it or Kitty was about to get bombarded with irrational complaints.

She used to get just as bent out of shape whenever he would try to wake her up as well. They had their own "morning ritual"…

xXx

_She could smell spices, cigarettes, and a soothing, calming smell of cologne that for an indescribable reason reminded her of a summers evening. Mmm. His scent. He was up already, and she knew it. She slowly cracked her eyes open to see his own red on black orbs staring back at her. _

"_Bonjour Chère" she semi groaned. He was crouched down next to her bed and was level with where her head rested on the pillow. He kissed her forehead. Mmm…vanilla and the smell of her perfume that for an indescribable reason always reminded him of an autumn evening. God, she had him. She had him good. If they were going to strip everything down for what it was worth, she had him at hello…or rather "What do you want", which he took as hello._

"_Knew that if Remy stayed here lookin' at y' long enough y' were bound to wake up. Come on, start the day, time to get up."_

"_Go away."_

_How cute, she was being difficult. _

"_Let's go ma Chère, up!" dissatisfied by her lack of enthusiasm to move, he removed the sheets from her horizontal form causing her to curl up. This resulted in her bringing her legs up and close to her chest, her figure resembling that of a fetal position. _

"_Nuuughmm…"_

"_That don' mean nothin' girl. Come on, time to get up." He knelt down once again and pushed a few white strands of hair out of her face. She shook her head lightly and continued to doze off back into slumber._

_He gave her a small and soft kiss on her nose that got a small smile from her in return. _

_He watched the edges of her lips turn upward, her mouth making the "Mmm" sound that he loved so much._

"_Aw, y' like dat Chère?" he came in closer to the crook of her neck and began to nuzzle her continuously. "Cuz Remy like's it too."_

"_Do whatever you want to meh, just don't wake meh up." She turned to the side ignoring his attempt to bring her to life._

_As tempting as that offer was coming from his girlfriend, who was in a slight sleep-induced coma, He only stuck to the simple wakeup call tactics. He would get her back later…and she most definitely will not want to be asleep during that. Caught up in his own head, Remy was grinning like a fool but snapped out of it when he saw she was as good as asleep once again._

"_Alright_ _Chère, Remy knew y' was goin' t' be difficult. So he was a good boyfriend an' brought y' something that y' quite frankly can't resist."_

_She heard his steps as he made his exit from the room, but for only a moment long enough to grab something from outside. As he made his way back she could immediately smell the irresistible aroma of coffee grinds, the scent bitter, roasted and strong from where she laid. He sat next to her on the bed and moved the four dollar and fifty cent latté around her nose, intoxicating her senses further._

_She was still buried in her bed, but a hand was outreached waiting for the beautiful god sent drink. Funny, Remy usually had the same thoughts towards his bourbon._

"_Gimme."_

"_That is no way t' thank y lovin' boyfriend. The man in y' life that brought y this beautiful gift." She smiled back at him, hardly wanting to dispute anything he threw at her at this hour. Finally, she made her way to sit up and he handed her the coffee cup then watched as she slowly drank her coffee._

_She leaned against him resting her head on his shoulder._

"_Mm, you know the way to mah heart at 6am. Thanks sugah."_

"_Anythin' fo' Remy's girl. Now dat y' speakin' full sentences, y' can get y'self in 'dat shower an' get ready fo' the day."_

_His comment did not phase her. _

"_Don't wanna." She continued sipping her coffee. Remy rolled his eyes and knew it was time to bring out the big guns and go for the target. If he was going to get his way he had to threaten her one and only prized possession at 6am. _

"_Here, let Remy have some." he gestured to her coffee, and watched as her hold tightened, Ah, he clearly hit a chord with her. This woman seriously had no intention of sharing the hot beverage._

_She looked down protectively at the cup and then at him._

"…_but it's mine."_

_That was a threat all within itself. _

"_Y' can't be serious, Remy's the one who got if for y'. Let 'im have a little." He reached for it and she pulled away. Excellent, he was beginning to get her revved up._

"_Get your own!" Oh man, this was awesome she was getting overly defensive and feisty over her coffee. Right on schedule too. _

"_Remy did have his own. But, the fact that y' won't let him have any now only makes him want some of yours more."_

"_What are you two years old?"_

"_Give it-"_

"_No!"_

"_Fine, den' Remy'll will take it by force—"_

"_Back off—"_

"_Remy warned you!"_

_He swooped down in her direction but quicker then she moved all morning, she leaped off her bed, made a mad dash into the bathroom and slammed the door shut._

"_It's mine, you can't have it! Now get out of here!"_

_Remy only grinned with satisfaction on the other side of the door._

"_Haha. Hey Chère, while y' in dere might as well shower an' prep y'self for the day seein as y' up an' functioning." _

_There was no response at first but finally she answered._

"_You're a jerk." He could hear her mumble on the other side inaudibly._

_Funny, but this is how he would get her out of bed almost every morning._

xXx

…He experienced frustration, pain, confusion and doubt. Remy's thoughts of yet another day without having what he once had echoed through his mind, _'It be another day. Another hour. Another minute. Another second. An' I be doin' what I always do. Wanderin' around in my head, havin' myself some bourbon. Kickin' myself in 'de gut jus' trying t' make sense of all 'dis. You'd 'tink 'dat 'dis gets old after a years' worth of time, but I let myself in on a secret—it doesn't.'_

Things were always…hard with the two of them. Their relationship did not come easy, they had to work at it. He joined the X-men at twenty one and he was twenty three years old when she finally admitted to liking him. Two years he had pestered the girl and was compelled to be at her side at every given moment. He finally got under that hard exterior of hers. She said yes to being his girl and he was thrilled. The first year they had been a couple Rogue still struggled with control at times, like their relationship, it did not come easy. He could tell that it really got to her at times. But she pushed through and got the full control she worked so hard for, something they both were hesitant about. From then on they slowly but surely became physical. They did not exactly function as a normal couple did. They fought sometimes, on some days a little and on other days a lot, but they always had gotten over themselves and their prominent differences. She was always so closed off and kept everything close within the vest. He was always being short on certain subjects, never giving a full answer at times, and making her lash out on him and vice versa. Yes, they had their moments of temperamental flair, but no soon after were they making amends, finding themselves magnetically pulled together. He knew she was something special, something all of his own that he never had before…but he did not have his spunky southerner around anymore. It drove him over the edge not knowing anything about her anymore.

How the hell was she? Was she okay? Was she hurting? What's going on with her? God, it killed him. It killed him not to know. Knowing the way Rogue was when going through something rough, he could only guess she was evasive and deeply hurting, probably just acting like she was okay. He wanted her. He needed her. There was no way he was getting by without her. He would never forgive himself if he did not go back. He had no idea what life was going to be like if he headed back…but it had to be better than what he was currently experiencing. That consisted of gut wrenching feelings of sorrow, regret, pack after pack of cigarettes, and a whole hell of a lot of bourbon.

'_But y' could hurt her…y' could hurt her more den' y already did, jus' by bein' there…'_

What the hell was he doing? Keeping his distance, living on a possible prayer that maybe this is better for her? Forget it. No more. If anything he needed to see her, talk to her, anything. He did not expect to have her want anything to do with him, but as long as he could just see her. Try to figure out what he could not figure out or piece together about that night they were together. Forget this "I don't care" attitude. So long apathy, he could take no more of it.

Remy stood up in a defiant manner, "_Mon Dieu_. I can't do 'dis no more." He breathed out raking his hands through his hair.

When Remy thought of Thomas Wolfe's words _"You can't go home again"_, all he could hear in his own head was, _"You can't have Rogue again." _And Remy Lebeau was never one for taking orders.

"Screw y' Thomas Wolfe."

_I don't walk right, not like I used to  
>There's a jump in my step as I rush to see you<br>I could be happy here as long as you're near to me  
>As long as you're close to me<em>

**xXx**

**In the **_**X-Men: The Animated Series**_** episode "Days of Future Past - Part 1", ****Rogue**** and ****Gambit**** give a copy of the novel to ****Beast**** while visiting him in jail. Beast recalls Thomas Wolfe and fondly describes the book as an old favorite. Gambit remarks that Beast is easy to shop for, saying "just buy the books that have the most dust on them." I thought bringing in Remy's take on Thomas Wolfe would be cool. **

**So we finally enter the mind of Remy Lebeau, not to mention a small flashback. Looks like he's heading back to see someone he has not seen for a year…wonder how that's going to go. **

**Anyways, any thoughts, comments? Hope you liked Remy entering the story more and more. Not as long as the others but the chapters will begin to get longer in time.**

**Please Review- **

**-Lebs**


	4. This Can't Be Healthy

**And here is chapter four, thank you all very much who reviewed and the ones who have beenreading. I appreciate the time you take to read this story.**

**Evolution 2000: Hey , no worries. All in good time everything will be revealed haha**

**RogueRecruit: So glad you enjoyed it, hope this chapter is good for you too :)**

**Romy-with-romance: Yeah, I know haha Remy knows Rogue too well. Hmm you may have something there with them hitting a breaking point and that something happened that "last night". Yes, there will be quite a few Rogue snapping moments, thanks for the review!**

**Holyshoopuff11: Aw, thank you for reading. Here is the update hope it wasn't too long of a wait.**

**CrossingBridges: Ah, the age old question, what did Remy do. Soon soon I promise, but here is the update.**

**And a thank you to everyone else reading. **

**As always, aaaand action!**

"**The Pretense"**

xXx

"_Breathe in deep for me,'cause I'll be there for you.  
>Don't lose sight of me,'cause I'm wise to your tricks.<br>I won't waste my time,'cause I'll be there for you.  
>So breathe in deep for me."<em>

xXx

"You should have seen her! She vas all rushy and stuff and zen on a mad search for more caffeine, as if zat girl needs any more. All I vant is to see her take a minute and relax you know? Oh! And did I tell you vhat she said?"

It was 7pm and Kurt was distraught. Rogue should have been at the institute half an hour ago. She was cutting it close, but to be fair she still had some wiggle room until dinner started. Kitty and Kurt had just finished setting the table and now the two good friends were in the process of preparing the food to be set out. Kitty had been listening to him go on for quite some time about his concerns for his sister and she had hit the point where most of his words turned into a complete vent session. At least his heart was in the right place. Kitty rolled her eyes, clearly tired of Kurt's overly concerned nature.

Kitty and Kurt were best friends, no doubt about it. They came to one another considering each was a close confidant to the other. They had been close all those years at Xavier's Institute and Kurt had become Kitty's closest guy friend. They were always getting into mischief back in the day, and Kitty loved every minute with Kurt. He was awesome and she was lucky to have such a good friend. They remained close as the years went by and while Kitty could call Rogue her closest girlfriend, Kurt was without a doubt her closest guy friend.

"She's just been busy. Work has had her up late, up early and kind of drained. There's, like, no reason to have a fit. She is a big girl you know. "

Kurt, as if Kitty's words had completely gone in his ears and then out again, only continued to add to his concerns.

"I told her she should slow down, you know? And 'zen she said 'zat I should just stop worrying. Pfft, as if I worry too much! Excuse me for caring!" He mumbled out the last part as Kitty handed him a dish to carry out to the dining room.

Kitty herself did not know what to say. Of course she had her concerns about Rogue, but how could she not? She lived with her and now had to go through the transition of moving out. At the same time she honestly wanted to back off and believe that maybe Rogue really did just need her breathing space. She has always pulled herself out of anything rough and Kitty believed that the current situation was no exception. She knew her friend, and if Rogue was saying that she was okay, then she was going to let it go and trust her friend. Rogue was getting by just fine lately, and nothing major had happened. Kitty wanted it to stay that way. However, that phone call from Remy earlier certainly did not set the stage for a stress free Rogue. She may have been "getting by just fine", but that's all it was, "just getting by". But at least she was getting by. And then the phone call happened. Kitty could only imagine what would happen if Rogue found out…or if two southerners had even talked. Kitty did not know what to do, she was caught in the middle and she was going to be stuck there for a while.

"Just let her do her thing Kurt. Maybe she's onto something. Maybe she doesn't need the added stress of us worrying all the time. If she says she is good, then let her handle it." Kitty persuaded with a smile to back up her words. Yes, let her handle it. Besides, Rogue was never one to have people to push her when she was upset. That was most likely why Rogue and Remy hit heads so much. Remy simply would not give up when he knew she was upset. Deep down, Kitty wished he was around to get Rogue out of her head and bring her back to the real world and the people around her.

Kurt, dissatisfied by how easily she dropped the subject, followed Kitty on her heels out to the dining room.

"You live vith her…so surely you know that she's not okay. We both know it's Remy, even if she doesn't say it is. " Kurt cocked his brow slightly somewhat put off by the fact that Kitty would not agree with him. "You sure are overly defensive of Rogue right now Kitty."

"So? And Remy is her business, I try not to get her upset about that. Remember what happened when he left? She was a wreck Kurt, I was so scared she looked sick half the time and then heartbroken the rest. Right now she's doing what she can. That's all we can ask. I'm not going to worry…at least not yet." She added the last part hesitantly realizing that the phone call from earlier that day was not about to just disappear. Remy had called. And he called for Rogue.

"Do you know something zat I don-"

"No!"

Kurt was startled by Kitty's quick response.

"Vell zat vas convincing. Vhat's up?" Kurt pried, watching Kitty avoid his gaze and mess around with her bangs.

"I will, like, tell you what's up, there is no salt and pepper on this table. We have to fix that!" She had voiced her observation in an overly ecstatic manner making Kurt jump back. She spun on her heel and dashed out of the room.

"Hey! You may be able to make me leave it alone, but good luck convincing Logan to ease up!"

xXx

Logan, with a bottle of beer in hand and another sitting beside him, waited patiently on the front steps of the mansion. His eyes were fixed on the scene before him; the sun went down, leaving the sky a harmonious pallet of orange pink and purple hues. The kids had driven him up a wall earlier that day and he was less than tolerable and downright irritable. They drove him out of his mind earlier in the training session that day. He somewhat regretted asking the older recruits to stand in for demonstration in the technique learning session for the newer students at the institute, but things got out of hand when Bobby and Jamie collided during their demonstration making Bobby ice Ray's feet to the ground causing him to strike back in annoyance, only to hit Jubilee causing her hair to frizz out, leading her to take a missed aim towards the electrical mutant.

It truly was stupidity on Logan's part, for putting them all in the same room again. From then on it was pure chaos and breaking up the ambush that erupted took almost an hour. The other younger mutants, amused with wide and curious eyes, watched the older mutants go at it; some even began to cheer the sparring on. They found it more entertaining than educational or even helpful and Logan was not happy. Not one bit. It didn't matter how old those new recruits were now, they still acted like kids and he had no problem kicking their asses with a few harsh bellowing comments every now and again.

He brought the bottle to his lips and took a swig. His ears had already picked up the hum of a vehicle. It was now just a matter of waiting until her car would pull up the long driveway up to the mansion. A few moments later he could the car in the distance making its way up the drive quickly. The stereo was set high on volume. Must have been a long day if she was in her music "on high volume to cool off so I don't lose it" mode. Once the vehicle reached a stop he saw Rogue turn the engine off and take her keys out of the ignition. She came from work. He could tell. Her hair was still pulled back into a neat ponytail that was set together behind her head, the auburn waves cascading downward. Her white strands sat loose from the ponytail and framed her face, some small pieces were pushed behind her one ear. She wore a pair of nice dark denim jeans, the boot cut look showing off her black strapped espadrilles, with the wedge contributing a bit more to her height. Her white top was casual, it gathered at the waist and hung a bit more loosely over her middle, the sleeves were short and the front dipped down to reveal a V neck shape. As she stepped out of the car, she removed the pair of aviators that were situated at the bridge of her nose and hung them in between the middle point the V neck shirt.

He sent a nod in her direction and she walked over to meet him at the steps.

She looked exasperated. Totally beat. Logan waited until she took a seat right next to him; he then picked up the other bottle of beer and tipped it in her direction. She accepted the gesture and took hold of the bottle, extending it to him for only moment long enough for his adamantium claws to rid the bottle of its cap. He retracted them with a familiar _SKINT _and watched her down a good portion of the alcohol.

"Thanks." She breathed her voice mirroring the way she looked, tired. It made sense though, she had gotten a promotion at work and she was now the head editor of the Arts and Lifestyle department of the paper she worked at. Again, it made sense. She was good at what she did, but no one should look as upset or exhausted as she did these days. The absence of a certain Cajun had a good portion to do with her current state of being, but that had to go without saying. Seriously, she did not cope well when he was brought up.

They sat for a few minutes, watching the remainder of the sun disappear beyond the horizon. Their relationship was a special one. At times they both knew when it was better to leave the words out and just sit and let the mind wander. They became comfortable around each other and though Logan never would show his emotions to an obvious degree, he cared about Rogue very much. She was the daughter he never had in life and he had grown to be a father figure in her own life. At times they did not converse in the familial sense, they would let their friendly nature take over and she would look up to him as a mentor, a friend, someone for support. And then there were times when he just needed to down a few beers, even when the situation called for an authoritative or serious tone. Logan finally broke their rest period from words and let out an aggravated sigh.

"Damn kids went crazy again today." He grumbled, clearly still irritated by how much these kids could get a rise out of him.

The edges of Rogues mouth turned upward. It was nice to see a smile grace her features.

"Tried to have 'em stand in for demonstration and practice again?"

"I'm an idiot stripes." He stated and rubbed his head.

"Who started it this time?"

"I don't even know."

"How bad was the damage?"

Logan gave her an all knowing look.

"You don't even want to know." She chuckled at his morbid tone of voice. Logan was awesome, hands down. She had no idea how he contained his rage and frustration with some of the students. Of course, there was the factor that he cared about them all…but even so, that wasn't enough to stop him from kicking their sorry asses.

"Noted." She commented with a nod.

The bottle dangled from her fingers and Rogue took another drink from it and then rubbed the bridge of her nose. Logan took it as an opportunity to ask how she was feeling.

"Long day kid?" He asked casually. He didn't want to sound like he was prying, not today at least.

"You could say that." She knew what was coming. The best she could do was try to appease him by responding to his comments.

"You know, I've been wondering how you're doing. Have a feelin' you've been avoiding people." Logan commented and watched as her gaze shifted from the grounds of the mansion to her knees.

"Ah know."

Sometimes it was like pulling teeth with her. Either that or she really did want to ride her issues out solo. He wasn't about to let that happen, not when he could try to have a say in it.

"The elf says you've been running around non-stop, getting by on caffeine alone, skipping out on eating at times…I'm not going to beat around the bush kid, that ain't healthy. You should know better."

"Oh please, that's just Kurt being Kurt-" She began defensively only to be cut off by Logan's assertive voice.

"No, I've noticed it too. You look exhausted most of the time. You need to slow down."

"Ah'll move at my own pace."

Logan did not want to have another reason to be irritated, especially with Rogue, but she was being stubborn.

"How about those headaches, are those getting any better?" He questioned. Tossing this little piece of inquiry in, he knew he was starting a battle with the southern belle

She rolled her eyes, knowing where all this was going. "They are just that Logan, _head-aches_, not _psyche-aches_."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Ah'm fine." She snapped more with more sternness in her own voice. She finished the rest of her beer and set the bottle aside.

"What's going on with you?" Logan asked, more so worried now than frustrated.

She stood up and began to tick different things off with her fingers one by one "Ah'm tired. Ah'm busy. Ah've been helping Kitty pack. It's been one thing after another. But you know what, that's life. Just gotta get through it."

"Are you okay with that though? You know, the half pint moving out?" He asked trying to see if she would talk with him.

"Ah didn't expect her to stay forever Logan, ok! People come and people go, and Kitty has every right to move out! She's getting married for Christ's sake! Other people, let's say who do not have a legit reason to take off, can do whatever they like! Ah don't care! People aren't meant to stay forever apparently Logan, Ah didn't expect him to, Ah'm not stupid!" She crossed her arms and turned her back and gaze away from him.

Logan stared at her intently, somewhat surprised by her outburst before responding,

"Never said you were."

The silence crept back in between them until Logan broke it with something he had wanted to bring up earlier.

"Look…Charles and I were talking. He wanted to offer you a room here again. Thought maybe being alone might get to you." He did not know how she would react to the offer but he wanted to try to give her an option.

She refused to turn back to face him in his direction. She was trying to compose herself and control her temper. She shouldn't have snapped, but every fiber in her body has wanted to just yell for the longest time, and her little argument with Logan hardly scratched the surface of emotions she was feeling.

She took a deep breath before she slowly and carefully answered him.

"Ah'd rather not. Ah like where Ah am."

Logan stood up and reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, "Maybe it would be easier on you-" he began, but she recoiled from his touch.

"You mean easier for you to keep an eye on meh. Please, Logan, Ah am twenty-six years old. Quit treating meh like Ah'm still sixteen." She semi- pleaded, now facing his direction.

"Then quit giving us reasons to be concerned." He retorted taking her aback for a moment. He saw the temper flash in her eyes but she did not say anything she just turned her back towards him once again, her arms crossed and breaths short.

"Rogue…" Logan knew better then to get Rogue revved up on certain issues. He would cut to the chase, because he was not about to dance around the subject. "He's not here anymore. But we are. He left, but we are still here. I know you are hurting, but you can't keep doing what you are doing or you are going to break. And I don't want to just sit around and watch you crumble. Take better care of yourself. The Cajun ain't here to help you... " He left no room for discussion or debate because with that all said he made his way to the front door. "Make your way inside soon, dinner's almost ready and you better eat somethin'." She finally heard the closing of the door, leaving her alone with her own head and thoughts. Not always the safest of things.

She looked down, her expression sad, her mind screaming with frustration and confusion, both emerging from not knowing of how to respond to Logan's words.

Her knees suddenly felt weak and her head, heavy. She situated herself on the stairs once again and held her head in her hands. A familiar throbbing feeling had returned making Rogue squeeze her eyes shut as if to shut out the pain.

And then she heard him. She heard him in her head, after pushing the psyche farther than the farthest place in her mind.

'_Chere. Breathe in deep. Y' okay, Breathe in deep pour moi. Remy may not be there, but he's up here.'_

She wanted desperately to ignore him, but she complied and took a few deep breathes, letting the thought of Remy enter and calm her mind. It was painful, letting him come out to the forefront of her mind again, if only for the time being, but it was something she desperately needed. She did not want to prove Logan right. She was not going to let herself break, and apparently neither was Remy.

xXx

**Hello everyone, thanks for the past review I really appreciate your interest! I am sorry if it seems like the story is dragging a tad, but that's usually how it is in the beginning since so many things still need to fall into place. A short chapter, but we finally see some Logan and Rogue time. Logan seems to be catching on to her more than she knows. Funny that he says that Remy cannot help her, but then his psyche in the one to calm her down before she starts to hurt even more. Lyrics for this chapter were "This Can't be Healthy" by Anarbor.**

**By the way the last chapter (chapter 3) had lyrics from "Goodbye Apathy" by OneRepublic**

**Let me know what you think! Review Review :)**

**-Lebs**


	5. Let's Go Back to The Start

**Alright all you wonderful readers here it is. This is a fairly long one, so I hope you enjoy it. I am eager to see what you think. **

**I will not hold you up with any author notes, so- action! **

"_**Let's Go Back to The Start"**_

_Nobody said it was easy  
>Oh it's such a shame for us to part<br>Nobody said it was easy  
>No one ever said it would be so hard<br>I'm going back to the start_

_**Over One year ago**_

_xXx_

_Rogue_

She twisted, turned and wrung the delicate necklace she had on. She hated hospitals. The smells, the colors, the fact that people have to poke and probe you, they made her so anxious but she currently had no say in the matter in terms of being there. She was rushed here against her will, but truth be told she knew something had been wrong. She was in a state of shock at the moment and was still trying to regain feeling in her face. She had made sure no one else was contacted when she was rushed to the ER and assured the medics that she was in no need of contacting anyone else at the moment. It was a bad habit yet typical Rogue, trying to take in everything on her own. After everything was said and done and the doctor came back to her with the results and news, it was at that point she signed the necessary paper work and made her way out of the building, pulling out her cell and pressing a speed dial number.

The dial tone went by several times.

"Pick up. Please pick up." She mumbled to herself rubbing her forehead.

She heard the recorded sound of his voice

"You've reached Remy Lebeau, leave a message an' I will get back at y."

'_Where are you Remy? Damn it…You should have called him to meet you earlier.'_

But she didn't want to talk about it. She still did not know what to think about what had happened.

"Shit…"

xXx

_Present Day_

"Alright! Last box!"

"And thank God for that."

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad."

"It was a brutal experience."

"Look how much we accomplished."

"Kit, let's be realistic, look how much _me_ and _Piotr_ accomplished."

"…_(blink)…(blink)…"_

"See."

"…Look how much we accomplished!"

Rogue just rolled her eyes at Kitty and continued to paint the wall in front of her.

One week had passed since the dinner at the mansion and since Logan confronted her. The rest of that evening had been a struggle to get through, but Rogue had done her best to come off as engaged and social. Since then Rogue continued to keep busy and maintain her distance from the mansion and a few of the inhabitants there. She figured it was best if she had her space. Within that time Kitty and Rogue had successfully packed the valley girls belongings; or rather Piotr had packed, done the heavy lifting and kept the two girls on separate sides of the apartment due to the hostility that surfaced from the chaos of packing. Kitty was insistent on Rogue being at the apartment for the "moving out day", so as a bargaining chip Rogue said if she would help get Kitty's things together and be there to celebrate this ridiculous moving day, then Kitty had to help her re paint the living room and to touch up the walls in Kitty's now empty room. Of course the painting endeavor only resulted in an even bigger mess with paint brushes everywhere, leaving Rouge covered with different splatters and smudges over her working jeans and blue flannel. The painting process had ended with the two girls arguing and then Piotr interjecting as the peacemaker. Not too long after both John and Wanda showed up to join the festivities and were helping them to keep up with the moving.

"And then I said, hey, wanna see a magic trick mate? And then I set his jacket on fire!"

"You shouldn't set people on fire."

"I didn't set_ him_ on fire. It was his _jacket_."

"Hey wanna make yourself useful, grab a box pyromaniac." Wanda suggested picking up a box herself.

"Oy! I have been doin' more work then any of the Sheila's!" exclaimed St. John, sitting casually on the countertop with a beer in his hand overseeing all the work, "Hey! Y' missed a spot there Sheila!"

Rogue shot John a glare, "Ah did, did Ah?" the paintbrush that was currently in her hand was chucked across the room and hit John in the chest leaving a paint splatter mark.

"There, got it." She said with a smirk.

"Y' sheilas are nutty!"

Wanda walked over and lightly smacked him on the head, "Babe, seriously, do something useful and take theses downstairs and help Piotr load everything up."

"Yeah c'mon, I will help you take some down" said Kitty with a smile, nudging St. John.

Not wanting to get hit with any other items in the room, he complied with Wanda's request and picked up the boxes then headed out of the apartment grumbling about women.

Rogue stood there with her hands on her hips taking in the open space. It was a bit surreal, seeing everything change like this and Kitty's items not being anywhere in sight. Wanda walked over with two beers and handed one to Rogue.

"Not bad girl, not bad at all." Wanda stated referring to the painting job.

"Thanks." She accepted the beverage and took a drink.

"So I gave Jeannie a call, and she said sorry that she and Scott can't make it since they are going to Jean's parents' house with Rachael. Oh, and Kitty said Kurt is out of town with Amanda and won't be back til' later tonight."

"Wanda, it's no problem. All that was Kitty's idea anyway. Ah actually prefer a no-big-deal type of thing. But, you know Kitty…"

Wanda nodded, understanding completely.

"Hey I'm going to go supervise Johnny, I really don't want him setting anything else on fire…"

"Yeah, the drapes catching fire were enough excitement for one day."

"He said he was gunna behave..." Wanda said apologetically with a shrug.

"Don't worry about it." replied Rogue with a wave of her hand and watched as her friend headed out.

Once Wanda left, Rogue took a look around herself. She leaned against the wall and slid down until she was seated on the ground. She closed her eyes and began to let her mind soak everything in once more. Kitty's leaving. Just goes to show that the years move along and people transition as fast as seasons change. Kitty's leaving was not that huge of a change, but it triggered a number of aspects in Rogue's life that made it seem as if everything that she had known for the past few years had taken a massive shift. Plans are never set in stone, and those massive shifts tend to take place at any possible given times.

xXx

_**One Year ago-**_

_Rogue_

She walked the two flights of stairs to the apartment she currently shared with her one friend and Remy. He had to be here. Taking a deep breath she juggled the keys and twisted open the lock.

She stepped in quietly dropping her bag and keys on a near coffee table.

He wasn't here.

Everything was left exactly the way it had been earlier that morning. Half full coffee pot, dirty dishes in the sink, and clothes tossed across furniture. She was frustrated and in such a rush, and feeling not well at all. Remy asked her to call in sick; she got aggravated and said no, of course. He became aggravated with her not taking care of herself, and in the end they both ended up taking off for their days each in an irritable mood. He called her not long after that apologizing, and she did the same. She didn't know why she felt so off lately, and she didn't blame Remy for feeling concerned.

She made her way to their bedroom and slowly headed to the door, body still weak and in shock from previous events in the day. Once finally inside, she stopped in front of the dresser mirror, taken aback by what she saw. If she looked bad this morning, then she only looked worse now. Her eyes looked more grey than emerald, her skin was an unhealthy pale, while her hair though tied back, was coming lose, adding to the unintentional unkempt look.

"Oh sweet Jesus…Ah've been turned vampire overnight" She mumbled to herself in a distraught yet light manner. She took out the ponytail that held the remaining pieces of hair back and raked her hands through the long waves, then resting them on the dresser for support.

"What am Ah going to tell him?" She whispered once again to herself, but was cut off from contemplation when the apartment telephone when off

_Ring!_

Her head turned to the phone on the nightstand and then she reached for the device before it rang again.

"Hello?"

"_Bonjour…est Remy in? It be a bit urgent."_

"Uh, no. Actually he's not. But Ah live here, can Ah help you with anything?"

"_An' who 'dis might be?"_

"This is Rogue...and who is this calling?"

"'_Ah, y' be his belle femme. Dis be his brother, Henri…"_

"Is everything Okay?"

"_Let Remy know, 'dere be family business we need to discuss…"_

xXx

_Remy_

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
>You don't know how lovely you are<br>I had to find you, tell you I need you  
>Tell you I set you apart<em>

He still felt as though that morning had added tension for him and Rogue that day. He felt bad that the day started to take a turn in a bad way, he hadn't meant to get her riled up, but she didn't look all that well. He really could not have this day go wrong, not with what he had planned for later that evening. Oh, he had taken forever to pick it out. He spent months doing that, and then weeks and weeks to plan how it would all be done. Yes, Remy Lebeau was a crafty one, and it did pay off in the romantic area in life. He just wanted to get home and jumpstart the plans for the evening and prepare everything for when she got home. He hoped she was feeling better, and if work ended up wearing her out then he had a perfect remedy of an evening planned anyway.

Remy walked outside towards the apartment; hand in pocket once again protectively placing his hand on the small velvet black box. A wave of nervous excitement washed over Remy by the simple motion. He was going to do this. He, Remy Lebeau, was going to propose to a sassy, smart, beautiful green eyed southerner. The moment he realized how much he never wanted her to belong to anyone but him was when his previous concerns and phobia of marriage were pushed aside. He would marry her. She was worth everything and more. He wasn't some young 21 year old kid anymore with no care in the world for anyone but himself. No, six years can change a man, especially when a portion of those years is spent with Rogue.

xXx

Remy reached the last flight of stairs and once at the top he took his key out and then turned it in the lock, only to be surprised that it was already open.

When he walked in he saw Rogue's bag and keys tossed on the nearby coffee table. That's odd…did she come home early? Did she get sick? His thoughts were cut off when he heard rustling in the bedroom.

"Rogue? Chere, are y' home?" He asked from the doorway.

He walked inside to see Rogue searching around the room for what seemed like…her things. As a matter of fact, his brain registered that some of her belongings were being removed and thrown into a bag.

She stopped her hunt and looked up at him, a look of surprise and discontent…sadness…and anger?

"Chere?"

He wanted to swoop over to the woman that he was planning to go on one knee and propose to later that evening, and hold her tight. Her worried expression only made his heart ache any thrust worry onto him inadvertently.

"Ah think Ah want to spend the night at the mansion. Ah'm not, Ah mean, Ah don't feel right today…about a couple of things."

"Are y' okay?"

"Ah need to talk to you." She did not come forward to stand in near him, hell she would not even budge to meet him halfway she just stood her ground, unaware of the territory she was about to get herself into. She clearly was keeping her distance from him, but why?

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions  
>Oh let's go back to the start<br>Running in circles, coming up tails  
>Heads on a science apart<p>

"Chere? You're packing? Why don't y' tell me what's wrong. I was hopin' to spend the evenin' wit' y' tonight. I had something special planned."

Her stare bore into him. It was deep and worrisome to Remy.

It almost seemed as though she was overwhelmed, trying to keep herself calm. Oh, but the anger was there. Rogue hadn't said a word to him. That scared him even more. He was so busy with his own thoughts a few moments ago that he had not noticed for a second that she was sickly white, eyes bloodshot red and that she was leaning on the dresser for support.

"Your brother called." Was all she said, her voice raspy.

At that, his heart almost stopped.

She spoke to his family.

Wait, she spoke with Henri? Henri had her contact information? He hoped to God Henri hadn't told her anything about what was going on back in the south. To be fair, he tried his best to stay detached from anything down there himself nowadays. Remy was unsure of how to approach this. Henri could have called about a number of things. No…he knew what he was calling about. But it pissed the hell out of him that he actually spoke to Rogue and potentially involved her in something that Remy did not want her involved in at all.

"What did he want?"

Rogue was almost unsure of how to approach that herself

"Wanted to know '_when you were getting your ass back home to fix what you screwed up_.' He really emphasized family business. "Rogue replied evenly, not yet getting into "bad temper mode"

He did not know what to say.

"Henri shouldn't have talked t' y' chere. He shouldn't have informed y' of home issues." Remy tried to divert Rogue's confused state but it only pushed her more

"What's going on?"

"Rogue, I don't want t' get into 'dis-."

"Ah asked you a question Remy. What's going on?" She demanded more sternly this time, her temper rising.

Remy knew he was going to have to start somewhere. What he was about to explain was not something he wanted to touch on, but how could he not at this point?

"Chere…I never gave y' the whole truth. Henri ain't de only one who's tried to get a hold o' me. Got a call a while ago from Jena Luc explaining how it is still hell in the banks lately and if I knew what was good for me I would come back to New Orleans to settle things-"

"For the love of God Remy, what things? Why won't you just be straight with meh? "

It was safe to say that the evening was not going to go the way Remy had planned.

Remy sighed, knowing he needed to let her know, and that it was in no way going to be easy. "Remember back when y' wanted me to move in? Y' asked me 'is there anything I should know about?' Y' were wondering if I had ever been serious with another woman in my life."

He watched Rogue intently; she nodded her head and kept her eyes on him.

Remy continued, "I said No…never anyone I've ever been really and truly serious about."

He sighed and further explained where he was going with this reminiscent piece.

"Rogue, I'm sorry, I didn't want y' t' know anything about the guild or my past back in the day. Mais, I was engaged…almost got married when I was 21. Her name was Bella an' I couldn't go through wit' it an left right before 'd ceremony an' jus' completely darted the hell out of there. I stirred up trouble by breaking the peace treaty. 'Dat's when I ran to Xavier's to keep a low profile before headin' back. But, from 'dere on out plans changed."

There was that moment he saw it flicker in her eye, all the hurt that he had not told her the truth. She had asked him, and he had lied. At the time he thought that keeping her separate from anything guild or ripper related was the safest option, considering she almost got killed the last time she was involved in helping him down in the south all those years ago when he kidnapped her.

Even so, he knew there would be repercussions because at that moment, that initial pent up anger Rogue was feeling was unleashed.

"You were married!" She shouted accusingly in anger

"Non, engaged!" replied in defense

"There was a wedding and everything Remy!" She threw back with equal defensive rage.

"I wasn't married yet, I was almost married."

Rogue rubbed the side of her temples, eyes squeezed and body slightly leaning forward, as if to compute all that Remy was trying to say. Again, Remy noticed that she did not look better than this morning, she looked worse than before, and the new information was not helping her.

"How could you do that? No, how could you not tell meh?" She added

"Chere, she don't mean a thing to me. It's very complicated. As in _tres, tres _complicated. "

"So marriage does not mean anything to you?" She inquired still confused by his explanations.

He found that question fairly ironic and hurtful considering what was in his pocket at this very moment.

"No! Of course it does, but It didn't mean anything wit' her! I never thought of it 'dat way—"

"But she did! She did think that Remy!"

"I told y' she was not anything t' me, we were never really together-"

"If you weren't really together, did you ever sleep with her?"

"What?"

"Did you ever sleep with this woman Bella that you claim you never cared about— and yet were apparently engaged to, but didn't matter because you didn't want to get married." Remy rubbed his head, reliving his past through an interrogation by the woman he was now with was not something he felt proud of.

"That's not fair…I mean, we had a thing when we were younger and we were on and off, a lot."

"You had a thing?"

"-But I never wanted to marry her!" He shouted back, feeling that anything said was not going to save him.

"Let meh get this straight. You did not want to marry the person you were engaged to, but you two still had a physical relationship, leaving her under the impression that you cared and you were all in for the marriage and agreement, but then run off leaving her at the alter?"

Well, when she put it as bluntly as that, there really wasn't anything that was going to save him.

"I…" He really could not say anything. "Chere, I don't know what t' say. It ain't something I be proud of in my life."

He watched as the anger dissolved into hurt while she brought her hand up to her head.

"Oh God…"

"Rogue. It was a long time ago, six years. I didn't really know any better, I was all over the place back then. You changed everything." Remy wanted to move forward to her, but was severely unsure of what her reaction would be if he came near her.

"It does not change the fact that AH asked you if you had ever been as serious with another woman and you told meh no, and then all this comes out!"

"Rogue I didn't love her, I had t' be wit' her an' I had to adhere to the Guild"

"Do you have any idea how messed up that sounds Remy?"

"You yourself know how messed of families can be Rogue!"

"This isn't about meh, and this isn't about taking cheap shots at meh to make comparisons!" She shot back with a pointed finger at him.

"It was the way things had t' be, we knew that the guilds planned it but I didn't want it."

She shook her head at that as if it the idea based on a minor technicality would fix everything. She took a deep breath in order to compose herself. She was not going to cry. This was beyond shedding tears right now. "Remy...Ah don't know what to say. What the hell do you want meh to say after this? But think about something. Do you know how this makes me feel? It makes me feel so hurt, like you don't care about relationships, promises or even the fact that marriage means something. Ah mean, you ran! What is to stop you from running like that from meh?" She said to him, her voice cracking.

"Y' have to believe me, we were young Rogue. It was to bring peace t' the guild. We may have grown up together but it was loveless. An' the day after d' wedding I bolted and was banned til' Belle an' the guilds came t' terms wit' the fact of settling the major rivalry and adapting to changes back at home. I thought everythin' legally was taken care of. I found out it wasn't . That there be a whole hell of a whirlwind back down in New Orleans. They were even threatening' to come up to get me here awhile back. Chere y' are here and if they know y' connected t' me, that y' my girl, they…they ain't goin' to care bout what they do. Henri calling…he's tryin' to tell me I have t' settle things."

"What are you saying?" is all she said

"That Remy made a mistake…and he ain't exactly in d' right. Chere—"he was harshly cut off by her.

"Don't call meh that anymore, Ah don't want to hear it—"

"Please…Rogue. Remy didn't want y' mixed up on any of 'dis—"

He could not stand it. She was trying so hard to keep those tears back.

"Rogue…I really couldn't risk you knowing, not when you can get hurt. Believe me."

"Well Ah can't Remy, Ah can't believe this!"

"I know y'not ok, and neither am I! 'Dis be killin' me… but I gotta take care of it."

"Do what you want, it's your life, who am Ah to tell y' what to do!" She pushed passed him wanting to leave it all behind.

She was moving terribly clumsily and slow for what he knew to be Rogue's usual speed. God she looked sick.

"Rogue, chere please, please stop. I am so sorry. I love y' so much I didn't want y' hurtin' ever. My past is just that, my past. Didn't want it scaring y' or hurting y'. If y' get mixed up wit' my past, then get mixed up wit' people of my past an 'dats a risk I cannot afford wit' y'." He pleaded, feeling the tension between the two and how much this was truly affecting her.

"You were going to be married! God Remy, you were with someone else during a significantly large part of your life, and Ah knew nothing about that. Ah feel like Ah am a number two, maybe three, four or five in your life. Ah have only ever loved you…. Ah have only ever loved you, kissed you, slept with you! Ah had a complex about being just another number to you, but now Ah feel like Ah've really just been dumb about a lot of things. Ah hardly know you! You have the audacity to never tell me anything about that life of yours and then move in, and let meh think everything's okay, and that we are sharing so much in our lives but not who we are?"

Remy felt about two feet tall. He never meant for it to all come back and bite him in the ass this hard. She is furious, she is hurt…actually, her breaths are shaky, he can tell. He saw the sweat begin to glisten on her forehead. He can't stop looking at the girl with worry that she may just keel over any second in front of him.

Ignoring the barrier between them he walked forward and inspected her.

"Rogue…y' not okay. Y' not breathing' right." He reached out to feel her forehead but she smacked his hand away. He was caught off when her words followed the action.

"Get out." She said sharply, the tears clearly forming in her eyes.

Ignoring her assertive command and the fact that he just bled an enormous secret to the love of his life, he stepped even closer toward her, worried about what he was seeing. She turned her head away and put her hand up to stop him. He ignored her gesture and reached out to pull her face to him.

"Rogue look at me." He got out worry in his tone

"Get out." She said again more forcefully.

"Chere, a -are y' sick-"

"Just leave!" with all the force she could muster she pushed him back away from her.

"Rogue, I am sorry I didn't tell y' about this! I thought it was legally taken care of in terms of the guild. I didn't know I had so much to take care of wit' 'dat still, I jus' been ignoring and erasing everything from home."

She ignored the explanation and shook her head.

"Remy, Ah swear to God if you don't leave, Ah will."

"Rogue, You can't—damn it y' so white! Forget it, Y' need t' lay down. Y' can't leave, you're sick!" approaching her once again.

"You have no right to tell meh what to do. Get the hell away from me and get the hell out of this apartment."

He watched the tears finally cascade down her face. It was unbearable,

"No" Remy shook his head furiously "No, no, no. Chere, don't cry. I'm still here for y', please Chere. Remy loves y'. You are the woman I want t' marry. Y' are Remy's belle chere. You are my Roguey. Rogue y' have t' believe me, that I—"

She took hold of his hand opened it and placed the necklace she had on earlier at the hospital in his hand. It was her favorite one that he had gotten her a year back. "Please leave" was all she was able to choke out.

Nobody said it was easy  
>It's such a shame for us to part<br>Nobody said it was easy  
>No one ever said it would be this hard<br>Oh, take me back to the start.

Remy, frozen by the action, was about to go on a tangent of apologies but became puzzled. Confusion and, concern began to seep in all at once. He took hold of her wrist and held it up, his stare fixated on something that was wrapped around it. Rogue looked down and realized that she had done something stupid. There, on her right wrist, was the hospital band from earlier when she was admitted it into the ER. She had forgotten to remove it and now Remy was starring trying to comprehend as to what had happened.

Confused as to what it was at first he asked "What's 'dis?" with a stern voice that did not falter.

Rogue pulled her arm back and just shook her head.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Rogue, y' were in the Emergency Room today?"

"Don't-"

"Why were y' in the hospital!"

She could feel her chest contracting. God, why did this have to happen? Why did any of this have to happen? She did not want to look at him, she had to get out. If he was going to leave, then fine. Him being engaged, his past, all of it was something she could not handle right now.

"A-Ah need to leave. Please just go, when Ah get back. Please don't be here. Ah can't do this."

As she got past him, she was only grabbed by him and brought back in his direction

"The hell y' can't"

"Remy, You lied to meh—"

"Y' lyin' t' me right now, what happened?"

"There was an accident, Ah'm fine!"

"Secrets Rogue! Y'being' hypocritical! I deserve t' know when my girlfriend is rushed t' the emergency room—"

"Ah'm not your girlfriend anymore! Get out!"

"I am not leaving you like this Rogue! Talk to m-"

"AH HAD A MISCARRIAGE!" She screamed at him, each set of tears coming down more heavily than the last.

There was silence. Remy's eyes grew wide, only to hear the sounds of two pounding hearts bursting at the seams.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures  
>Pulling the puzzles apart<br>Questions of science, science and progress  
>Do not speak as loud as my heart<br>And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me  
>Oh and I rush to the start<br>Running in circles, chasing our tails  
>Coming back as we are<p>

xXx

**OKAY. So here we have it. Is it what you expected readers? **

**We finally get a glimpse into a year back, and things are starting to come together. **

**Hopefully you enjoyed this, and thank you so much for the previous reviews, I'm always glad to hear from you readers. **

**Also the lyrics for this chapter are from "The Scientist" by coldplay.  
><strong>

**Will update soon, until then, thoughts, likes, dislikes, concerns, comments? REVIEW :) **

**-Lebs**


	6. Remy Lebeau's Paperthin Hymn

**Hello wonderful readers! It's been a little while, and I thought it would be good to get a chapter up. This is a semi-short one, but hopefully you enjoy it :)**

**Thank you for the reviews, they are appreciated as always, and a special thanks to the new readers and reviewers—welcome to the stories guys I hope you are hooked. **

**But seriously, thank you to****Warrior-princess1980****, Evolution2000, laniDG11, bluebird113, love is killing me, and EsmereldaFirescarlett. I hope you enjoy this next part :) **

**Alright, I've kept you waiting long enough. So go get some coffee, grab a cookie and a blanket and have yourself a nice read.**

**You know the drill, aaaaaaaand action!**

"_**The Pretense"**_

_xXx_

_When your only friends are hotel rooms  
>Hands are distant lullabies<br>If I could turn around I would tonight_

_These roads never seemed so long_  
><em>Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone<em>  
><em>Will daybreak ever come?<em>

xXx

Two hours and eight minutes. Two hours and eight minutes.

Two hours and eight minutes to travel from his current location in Philadelphia to New York.

Remy Lebeau took a long and deep drag of his cigarette. He watched the sun peek its way over the horizon from outside his motel room. His body ached from exhaustion and the lack of sleep. It was the clear anticipation of traveling on his bike each day, mile by mile becoming closer to the home he once knew. It was enough to send a racking shake of nervous tension through his body. It took a while to get his affairs in order at home, or rather, it took him awhile to explain himself to his father and to get through several shouting matches, but they both came to terms in the end. Given a few weeks he was more determined than ever to move forward. When he made the decision to get on his bike and make the bold move to return to another version of his life, he had driven from New Orleans up to Mississippi, through Alabama and Tennessee, and then made his way through Virginia and from there on he landed himself in Philadelphia. The overall trip was a long one, but speedy if he kept up his pace on the drive, give or take the stops he made to refuel and the nights he spent in motels. And here it was, another morning and with only two hours and eight minutes left to drive and get where he needed to be.

In his years Remy Lebeau was a man of many things. That just being the thing, He _was _many things as in a lot of those things had changed. A thief, a charmer, a liar, an acolyte, an X-man, a lover, a fighter, a fiancée, a runner, a breaker, a cheater, an instigator, and ultimately in all its accumulation, he was a man of fault…of _many _faults.

'_I ain't no saint.' _Is what he would always tell himself, as if that technicality would reel him out of any wrongs. He never gave other people's opinions a second thought, he never cared. Remy went about his life without a glance behind his shoulder.

But, of course, things change. _People_ change.

So, yes. Remy Lebeau knew he was also a man of man faults. Just a glance at his past was more than enough to inform any person that he was a man of that indeed. He had almost gotten married…when he was 21. He left the woman he was arranged to marry at the alter and completely darted the hell out of there, with no regards to his responsibilities. He ended up breaking the peace treaty, causing a hell of a lot of trouble for his family. He made a run for it and ended up at Xavier's to keep a low profile, needing to figure out his next move and to figure out when the hell he would go back to his so called 'home'. Being the man he was, he tormented a southern river rat, the same one he kidnapped not to long back to help him with more business related to the Thieves guild, and continued to pester her for two years until he finally had her all to himself.

Yes, he realized that he never came around to telling the girl that he eventually fell in love with about that small debacle in his past. Not once over the course of the 4 years had he mentioned it. He was so hesitant about marriage after almost being forced into it the first time that he avoided the subject with Rogue. But going four whole years and not saying a word? Well…

"Considerin' my past I probably have a king size bed waiting fo' me down in hell." Remy breathed to himself while he pinched the bridge of his nose.

She could not even touch for that first year they had been together, come year two she had worked so hard and finally gained some what control over her abilities. It wasn't long after she gained control that the two had gotten physical, and then even more physical. He remembered her asking "Is there anything I should know about? Have you ever been in a serious relationship in your life?" Remy answered with "Non…never anyone I ever been really truly serious about", something he really regretted saying.

They had gotten so close; he ended up living with her, and it was an amazing experience. He soaked up everything, and for Remy Lebeau, being near that girl was amazing. Not to mention, they had all the sex they wanted, whenever they wanted it. Sex with Rogue was unbelievable. Remy loved sex. He loved it oh, so much more with Rogue.

She was always unbelievable to him. He loved her, God he loved her.

The moment her realized how much he never wanted her to belong to anyone but him was when his previous concerns and phobia of marriage were pushed aside. At the time he had been 27 and he knew that it was all real. He would marry her. She was worth everything and more. He wasn't some young 21 year old kid anymore with no care in the world for anyone but himself, no he was not. And even after all the planning for the proposal, he _still _never mentioned his previous situation regarding marriage.

'_Yeah, a man of many faults.' _

Next thing he knew, he gets a call from Jena Luc explaining how it is still hell in the banks lately and if Remy knew what was good for him and his 'fiancée to be', he would not marry Rogue just yet and come back to New Orleans to settle things. Remy rejected his father's word and pushed any thoughts of the guild and his past life aside, petrified to confess his past to Rogue. Not to mention Remy Lebeau was stubborn as hell when people tried to push him in a direction he refused to go in.

But, it all unraveled, despite his efforts to keep everything intact and pushed aside. Rogue's face when he told her what had happened was enough to make his heart break, hell, he thought it did break…but he didn't know how it felt to feel a heart break until she told him what she had hidden from him that day. The moment he felt his heart break was when his face mirrored hers. Once she unveiled the incident to him. _She miscarried. _It was still a foreign concept to him. There was enormous pull that kept both of them away from each other. They never dealt with it together; they just broke, as if neither could bear the weight of what was happening in their shared and separate universes.

Remy Lebeau regretted that he let that weight push him down so far that he let the two of them become torn in one fell swoop. He never knew the details. He never knew any of the goddamn details about how she miscarried, he didn't even know that she was pregnant—did she know? Or did she lose it before she knew she even had it? He didn't stay long enough to find out. It was clear she couldn't handle seeing him or being around him either. Remy saw Rogue break, and from that he began to break alongside her. He hated knowing he did that to her, he thought leaving and extricating himself from her life was right.

'Don' know what be right anymore.' He mumbled as he tossed down his cigarette butt and stepped on it.

The night ran through his head every day. And with each day, there were more gaps that were empty, more holes that he could not fill. She had a miscarriage…and he did not stick around to find out the details.

It set heavy on him every night, that he never knew the details.

xXx

Rogue walked into her heavily morning lit Kitchen and squinted slightly at the immense shine of the Sun's rays. Instantly she made her way to the coffee maker and pressed the brew button. She sat down carefully and then proceeded to rub her head to ease the pain of the morning hangover.

"Good God, what did Ah drink last night?" She asked out loud. Maybe she should not have let John and Wanda convince her to go out with them, Kitty, and Piotr. They decided to extended their "moving day" into a "finally moved out celebration" once they packed the last box in the truck. In all honestly she wanted to just stay in and keep to herself for the evening, but her friends would not hear of it. Kitty mentioned something about "Not leaving my friend behind tonight!" Speaking of her friend, she checked her phone and found 2 missed calls from her so far this morning.

She hadn't planned to drink… but she remembered not wanting to be around people. She remembered being drained and sad after thinking about her and Remy and that night. And also, something had hit her hard last night. Kitty really was leaving and another one of her friends really was getting married. Then she remembered taking a lot of shots, and drinking hard liquor from there on out. From that point on she was gone. She could vividly recall getting back to her apartment which involved both Kitty and Wanda to get her up the stairs and into the safe space of her room, and then her instant shouts of "Ah'm fine!" and "No, no, Ah can handle mahself, you guys go!" The two girls caved and left Rogue to herself.

She looked around the apartment. It truly was overwhelming void of any other person's possessions but her own. There was no way she was going to get Kitty frantic by letting her know she felt lonely. It was easy to help pack up her things, hold herself together and just smile. She was so happy for her friend. But now that Kitty really had left, Rogue felt overwhelmed by the empty space. As long as she could remember, someone was always there. Now it was her. She loved her privacy, but some one was always there to annoy and to interject, and deep down, she could feel herself missing that.

Rogue was snapped out of her thoughts when the 'beep' sounded from the coffee machine. She poured herself a full cup, and not wanting to make the effort to go to the fridge to add anything to it, she took a long drink of the bittersweet black beverage and let out a satisfied sigh.

"That's the stuff," She said with a smirk. "Ya know what coffee? Ah'd get a room with you. You're that good."

xXx

"You, like think she's ok?"

"Yeah, she's probably just sleeping it off. Man, she sure went hard last night though"

"Maybe I should call again, see if she wants to meet us here for breakfast?"

"Nah, if she's up she'll call back." Wanda responded while taking a bite of her eggs.

Kitty nodded and slipped her phone back in her purse. The two girls sat outside on the patio of a local café, getting reenergized after their escapade out that previous night. It was a fun time, but Wanda had a point; Rogue really did hit the liquor hard. Kitty picked up her glass of orange juice and took a sip before coming back to the conversation.

"She did drink a lot… I don't know it's probably nothing." Kitty said out loud more to herself than to Wanda.

Wanda finally looked up from her food and noticed the distraught in Kitty's face. She put her fork down and raised her brow.

"Yeah, because the look on your face sure is convincing. You okay girl?" she inquired.

"It's just…" Kitty began to twist her napkin. Wanda could tell something was itching to come off the tip of Kitty's tongue, and the fact that she hadn't said it already meant it was important.

"Come on, spill." Wanda crossed her arms and focused on Kitty, waiting for a response.

Kitty's train of thought was on that phone call she answered a few weeks ago at the apartment. She had not even told Rogue. Damn pickle in the middle. It was an aggravating position to be in, especially keeping quiet about something Remy related. But keeping it to herself was not doing any good…

Kitty looked up to her friend and scooted in closer. Wanda looked amused by how discreet Kitty was acting.

"Wanda.." Kitty began, and after that there was no stopping the waterfall of words that poured out of her mouth.

"Okay, SO, it was, like, I think three weeks ago and I was just totally minding my own business and getting ready for work but then Rogue ended up waking up late so she was rushing around any trying to get ready for work so of course she was in a bad mood—but then I was all like, 'turn down that music!' because I HATE the Offspring and of course she doesn't listen! I'm all like 'Oh my gosh you're so difficult', and she is all like 'I don't care!' and then I was getting ready to leave and I was about to walk out the door but then the phone rang, and I was all like, really? REALLY? I was going to let the machine take it but I was a dummy Wanda! I was a total idiot! I answered it and I swear my mouth dropped to the floor, I'm telling you I was all like frozen, I was like 'OH. MY. GO-'"

"Kitty! Just get on with it!"

"Remy called Wanda! He asked about Rogue, and I just couldn't believe it!" Kitty finally concluded, her hands were placed dramatically on the table and her eyes wide.

Wanda was no longer leaning back with crossed arms, but was leaning forward with her own mouth open in surprise and disbelief.

"Exactly! That's, like, exactly the face I was talking about! Wow, you do a good me…" Kitty began but was cut off by Wanda.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa—Remy called? What did he say? What did you say?" Wanda asked confused by the new information given to her.

"I told you, he asked about Rogue. He said 'Is she okay?', and I didn't have a chance to answer or to let what was happening sink in, I heard Rogue coming and I had to tell him I couldn't talk, so I hung up." Kitty responded, running her hand swiftly through her hair, pushing her bangs out of her face.

Wanda sat there for a moment and let out sigh disbelief before responding in a concerned yet sarcastic voice.

"Well…it's safe to say things are about to get heated around here soon. Excellent."

xXx

_I just want one more chance  
>To put my arms in fragile hands<em>

_I thought you said forever_  
><em>Over and over<em>  
><em>A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion<em>

Remy made his way out of the motel's lobby and out towards his motorcycle. Now, Remy was known to be a very cool and well held together kind of guy. It was all those years of learning to have a poker face that made for an unbreakable façade. However, his entire body was wracked with nerves and concern. If only he could have remembered how it got to be this bad, how much the emotions would take over and override his body.

'_I don' know what's going to happen. But I can't live like dis'…that girl ain't gettin' away without a fair fight. And even if she gunna put up a fight an push me away…well, 'den I probably won't be very fair. I'm going to keep goin' at it until I get what I want. It ain't supposed to end like 'dis. ' _

Once situated on his bike, Remy revved up the engine and pressed down hard on the gas pedal.

'_Two hours and eight minutes. Two hours and eight minutes' _

_These thoughts run through my head  
>Over and over<br>Complaints of violins become my only friends_

xXx

**And there you go. So, there is definitely some progression going on here. Looks like Remy's having a bit of an inner battle of different things, Kitty and Wanda are both anticipating what's going to happen, and looks like Rogue is still just trying to get by, pushing everything away. Let's just say, an empty and roommate-less apartment probably will not help…**

**What is going to unfold from this point on?**

**Anyways, thoughts, comments, concerns? Review! Review! Let me know what you think. **

**Also, the song/ chapter title inspiration used in this chapter is "Paperthin Hymn" by Anberlin. **

**Til' next time,**

**-Lebs**


	7. Off the Rails

**Hello readers.**

**So it's been awhile, but here's the next chapter. Thank you all so much for your reviews and support, I hope you continue to enjoy the story and continue to leave your thoughts and comments. **

**Anyway, here's a quick thanks to ****Warrior-princess1980****, Crossing Bridges, bluebird113, love is killing me, IvyHearts, ****HoshiAkari59****, laniDG11, Rogue31, KindMoon, and ColorCoated, you guys have been great and your comments are much appreciated, I truly enjoy reading your feedback.**

**And thanks to those of you who have added this story to your alert/ favorite's list.**

**Ok, enough of my rambling, on with the story.**

**Annnnnnd, action!**

"**The Pretense"**

_We're off the rails._

_Now we are trains ourselves._

_No wait and see.  
><em>

xXx

The day was still young.

Well, at least that's what Rogue had to tell herself after waking up late in the day with a killer headache and nausea.

Waking up late and not being fully alive and functioning well until two in the afternoon usually would irritate her, however, the whole unmotivated feeling really was weighing down hard today. Thank God it was Saturday; otherwise the hangover would have been more grueling had it been a weekday full of work.

After finally rolling out of bed, gathering her head, and taking a long needed shower, she made her way over to the bed in her room. Her entire morning was not productive, it had just been dragged out, and for the life of her she could not pin point why she felt mentally gone, the hangover sure did contribute to that feeling, but that was only a portion of her current state. Once she got to her unmade bed, she sprawled out on the mattress, not even having the energy to curl up under the covers.

Yes, it was a _very_ unproductive day so far.

'Ah can't just lay here…' she thought somewhat rationally, feeling dumb for heading back to the bed she had previously been able to drag herself out of. To lay and do nothing was a gateway to letting the mind wander. She really didn't want to let her mind wander, not today. She could not afford to let her mind reach back into that head of hers and pull anything raw forward.

She winced at the harsh pinging in her head. The hangover was not at all friendly that morning, and she knew damn well that it probably wouldn't have been that bad if she had cut herself off like she planned, but clearly that was not the case.

She was an idiot. It was as simple as that. She was an idiot to let herself lose her cool, let the emptiness take over, and drink an immense amount of alcohol last night for the sole purpose of wanting to forget. She was an idiot to let her heart feel heavy when she thought of how empty her apartment felt, and how everyone seemed to be making big changes in their lives. It was purely an idiotic thing, to let herself become hung up on the past…to get hung up on things that were no longer present, to let herself think of him.

Or rather…everything, she was engulfed by everything. She didn't know what her problem was, or maybe she did. All she knew was that it hurt, and Rogue was not a fan of feeling an empty void in her life. She would never admit it to her friends or her loved ones, but she was so full of anger, and sadness. This was not Rogue…not the Rogue she knew.

She couldn't stay in bed. She needed to move, get air, get out, get somewhere, anywhere else.

'Alright, that's it.' she mentally snapped at herself, cutting her stream of consciousness off completely.

She shot out of bed, as if to leave her sad thoughts behind and forgotten. She refused to build up a pity party in her head. She could hardly believe how frustrated she was becoming with herself at this moment. She pushed her hair out of her face with a shaky hand, planning her next move.

"Ah gotta get out of here" She breathed. In a rush to leave her apartment, she rapidly made her way to her closet and pulled out her tennis shoes and a black long sleeve athletic zip up. She rushed to get them on and threw her hair up in a ponytail, then walked over to her door where she grabbed her keys and IPod off of the small coffee table. Once she had everything she needed, she headed out of her apartment and slammed the door behind her.

xXx

"So…serious stuff." Wanda repeated, still grasping what Kitty had told her.

Kitty nodded her head in confirmation.

"Ok…so, let's try and put this together, has Rogue heard anything from him since he left?" Wanda inquired.

"Not as far as I know...but she's so freakin' personal about her life, I don't know too much of anything that's going on with her, especially now that I am not going to be living there anymore."

"I'm just so confused-"

"Join the club!" Kitty cut her off in frustration.

Wanda rolled her eyes. The two girls were currently walking up and down the street past small shops, boutiques, and markets. They had finished eating a while ago and then decided they might as well walk around while they were still deeply in conversation. They were headed in the direction of Wanda's car, and Kitty decided to walk with her before she had to take off herself.

"No I'm not talking about that. What I mean is that Rogue never talked about why he left." Wanda stated as Kitty listened intently. "Actually…she never really talked about what happened at all." She finished in a slightly dissatisfied tone.

Kitty stared at Wanda and then sighed sadly.

"…Join the club" was her response, remembering very well that her friend never went into depth about what had happened between the two southerners. There had been tension between both of them for a while, and it was clear that Rogue began to distance herself, and in response Remy would become frustrated and do the same. There was a big gap…and the extent of Kitty's knowledge was that there were problems, and Remy left.

"I don't know…I have a feeling a lot of what happened is beyond what we may have known." Wanda responded digging into her bag for her keys.

"Yeah, well…I'm beginning to think the same." Kitty said to herself as she watched Wanda approach her car. She felt unbelievably conflicted, all she could think about was the fact that she knew something that Rogue didn't know.

"Wanda…Oh God, I feel like I'm stuck, what am I going to do? Should I tell her what's going on? I like, don't even have a clue what Remy's up to, I haven't heard from him since that day…Oh my God, I'm an awful friend, I should be in a hole right now! What am I going to do? For real, like what the hell am I going to do? Wait, maybe I'm just being silly…I mean I could totally be overreacting…then again maybe I'm not. This is stupid…of course this is stupid I'm being ridicul—"

"Kitty!" Wanda interjected in agitation. "You're doing it again."

Kitty snapped her head up in surprise. Wanda was leaning up against her car giving Kitty a 'hey, cool off, you're getting yourself worked up' smile.

"Sorry."

"Ok," Wanda began trying to put her friend at ease, "Look, here's what you're going to do. Just leave it all alone right now. Think about it, there's no reason to get worked up right now when you or anyone else hasn't seen or heard from Remy since that one time. He's not dumb Kitty, if he wanted his presence known or if he wanted us to know where he was going or what he's up to, then we would know." She reassured, but still feeling somewhat uneasy about the situation herself.

Kitty thought for a moment, Wanda's point was completely practical.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. There's no point in making things crazy. Phew, this was good. Thanks." She said giving a more relieved smile leaving her previous concerns at ease.

"No prob" Wanda responded with a nonchalant wave.

"Alright, now that mini-freak-out Kitty time is over, I should get going, I told Piotr I'd be meeting him back at our place. " Kitty told her friend excitedly, happy that she was referring to Piotr's place as their place.

Wanda rolled her eyes and made a gagging noise only to be swatted by Kitty.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go see your man, I've got my own man I need to attend to." Wanda said with a smirk.

"Don't let him set the sheets on fire again." Kitty responded as she watched Wanda put on her sunglasses and get into her car. Before she drove off, she rolled down the passenger's window and looked out at Kitty who noticed that her smirk grew into a grin.

"_Ohhh, This sex is on fiiiiiire!" _Wanda sang as she revved up the engine and drove off with a salute goodbye to her friend.

"I should have never burned her that Kings of Leon CD."

xXx

_We're off this place, _

_doesn't mean we're somewhere else._

_No waiting._

_This is all I know: keeping still to watch the engines come and go._

Left kick, Right hook, Up, Down, Swing back, right kick, reel back, right, left, right, left.

All that could be heard in the work out quarters in the mansion was the sound of a stereo blasting and deep gasps and pants of exhaustion.

After spending the remainder of her afternoon going for the longest run of her life, and using every inch of energy left in her iPod (and her body), Rogue found herself at the mansion in the lower quarters in one of the multi-purpose work out rooms still blowing off some inner harbored steam with whatever energy she could muster. She didn't even know what it was that she was set off by; all she knew was that she needed to hit something. A lot. That's where the punching bag came in. And the torso dummy. And basically anything else that crossed her path.

She let out an exasperated yell as she landed her last side kick into the punching bag, she finally stopped and walked around back and forth to catch her breath.

She was a mess. Hair tied back, sweat dripping from the workout, and she still had on what she wore earlier, minus the zip up and tank top, all that was left was her athletic sports bra and a pair of black work out pants, capri cut just above her knee. Her body was a clear result of how hard she physically pushed herself. Toned legs, arms and stomach, with well defined areas that contributed to her physique made for Rogue's fit appearance.

' _If anything, being a part of the X-men keeps you in shape.' _She thought

Rogue tiredly sat herself on the ground then laid back, completely worn out from her intense workout, until her form was sprawled out on the floor. She sighed, It didn't matter how hard she pushed herself, she was still losing weight and much to her dismay it was beginning to show.

'_So much has happened.'_ She thought, as the rhythm of her chest began to rise and fall at a normal rate. The stereo was still pounding in the background playing track after track. She knew for a fact that music was her constant, the only thing that made sense. She had an inner philosophy that if she were to play the music loud enough, it would keep the demons at bay.

She could have sworn that just yesterday she was 16 years old. She knew that those few years at the institute had been rough, especially with all that had happened with her friends, her relationships and her mutation…but 16…being a mutant wasn't exactly a gateway to an easy life, yet she could have sworn that there was a time when it all didn't weigh down so heavy on her chest. She remembered being sixteen and things being so much different. Would she change a thing is she knew what she knew now?

"Would Ah do it differently?" She breathed aloud letting the question linger in the air.

'_Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. You think you're invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have plans, big plans.' _She thought sadly.

What was she feeling? Was it depression? No… she hoped to God it hadn't gotten that far, and she would deny it if she could. It was just… a hole she had tripped into, only finding herself deeper and deeper each day, despite the efforts to get back up. She wanted so much to pick up the pieces; she was doing the goddamn best she could. She could be worse. Things could always be worse, so she was going to do whatever she could to make it all okay. She hasn't come this far to fall off the earth.

Rogue closed her eyes, and let her mind wander. She couldn't help but think of her friends, and how far they have all come in the past few years. It seemed as though they were all on the move, rounding new corners and beginning new stages in life. Jean and Scott having a baby, Kitty and Piotr getting engaged, John and Wanda being exclusive and all, the mansion and its transition into a school, all these new younger mutants just starting their lives, the list went on.

Everybody else was still flowing, moving to the currents of life. Unfortunately she found herself stuck, like a rock at the side of a stream, as the water pushed past her day after day.

She recognized that she was stuck, that she was off the rails, although she had worst time trying to fix it.

Her 'problem'….well, it wasn't all Remy. Alright, so a big part of it was Remy, however, an immense piece of it was unbelievably personal.

She tried her best to push past the truth but when it all came down to it, her body was always letting her down. And not in the 'oh, look at me feel bad for me, I can't touch anyone without feeling a surge of pain wash through my body' kind of a way. Growing up she adapted to not having physical contact with anyone. As she grew older it got harder, watching young love take its presence among her friends and others her age. She remembered it first with Cody, and later she had seen it in Scott and Jean.

She remembered pushing people away so far that they wouldn't even get the chance to get close. Then in walks a damn Cajun, thinking he's God's gift to woman. Rogue did what she could, she started to reel herself back into the world she shut herself out from and worked so hard to gain some control over her body and the mutation she possessed. It did not come easy. Gaining control was hard, and it hurt at times. She had to push through the pain, and even though she had a form of control, the pain still lingered, it never went away. Her powers still hurt her, with or without control, and it mentally and physically did a number on her body. But her stubborn nature was strong, and she would have been damned if she let Remy know about how much it hurt at the time.

And then it happened. It all just happened. She had no idea she was pregnant, that there was some other form of life in her other than another person's life force. And it hurt, she remembered feeling so sick. There were so many headaches and pains, but she thought it was all from her powers, that it was the psyches, or the building of her barrier and energy forces. She had no idea that life was being sucked out from her insides. She had no idea.

That is what killed her most, that she had no fucking idea, it killed her that she didn't just listen to Remy or anyone else and get checked out. Maybe then she could have stopped what happened, saved what she had before she lost it.

She found out that she lost something before she even knew she had it. Her body rejected it, just like it had with so many things before in the past years.

She lost something that day, and because of her inability to let another in, she ended up losing Remy too.

Rogue had no idea that tears had been forming in her eyes until she felt her chest contracting harshly and a wave of hard emotions hit, and then she heard herself let out the tiniest sob. It was self-instinct at this point to keep away the crying. So unintentionally, as if it were second nature, she sat up and wiped her eyes swiftly before the tears would get a chance to fall. She cleared her throat and composed herself, as she did every time this happened.

She wanted to feel something, anything than the pain right now, so she decided to sit up and continue to let out her aggression on the punching bag.

The music continued to play in the background as she stood up, and with all her leftover energy she began to lay a few more hits into the punching bag, each hit having more force than the previous one before.

Rogue could feel the pounding in her chest quicken…or was it the pounding from the stereo? She began to feel very disoriented and panicked, before she could register what happened, a wave of dizziness and fatigue hit. She began to sway, but before her body had the chance to hit the ground and give out, she felt two strong hands grip her arms from behind.

She shouted as she went into defensive mode and swung around to make a hit.

"Rogue! Take it easy it's just me, kid"

She let out an irritated sigh, clearly still in shock from being grabbed.

"Logan, you scared meh." She told him as she removed herself from his grasp.

He took in her appearance as his brows knitted together in concern.

"God, stripes, how long have you been in here?" he asked trying to dial down his concern.

"Awhile… Not long. What are you doing here?" she responded evasively.

"Came down here to work out some schematic plans for a few training sessions and I heard the stereo. I came in here and it looked like you were about to pass out." He looked her up and down and continue to stare at her, "You okay?"

"A-Ah'm just, Ah mean—and the, um. Really tired." Her voice was a bit raspy as she continued to catch her breath. She pushed past him and turned off the stereo.

"Rogue…." Logan began as he followed behind her.

"Please, don't. Ah'm okay" She began to toss her things in her work out bag, back still facing Logan.

Logan didn't know what to do. It was clear that she was not okay, but he promised himself he would give her space, but for Christ's sake she was beating the shit out of an inanimate object and almost hit the ground from what looked like exhaustion or God knows what.

He was lost in thought for only a moment, but by the time he snapped his attention back to her she was headed for the door.

"Ah'm just gunna head home, Ah've had a crazy day. Ah'll see you later—Okay? Okay. Bye Logan" she left no room for a response and was swift to make a quick exit, not lingering for a second.

Logan simply blinked, trying to register how she was able to dodge him that fast.

What the hell just happened? It was not like Logan to just let her take off like that without letting him know what was going on, but what was he supposed to do? Rogue had been an utter blur lately, he hardly had time to make her stand still for a second so he could reprimand, er—_talk_ to her. Nothing's happened yet, she was still on two feet…but for how long?

As much as Logan didn't want to believe it, Rogue was beginning to scare him.

xXx

**Alright, end of chapter 7. So, no Remy yet, (I really wanted to write him seeing her in here, but I thought it would be better off if I split it up) but we do get a look into Rogue's head and we get a sense of how she has been processing everything. It looks like she realizes that she pushed Remy away due to a number of reasons, and that she has a severe problem of shutting people out when she needs help. But why is she doing it?**

**I've gotta say, I love Rogue so much and it's actually hard for me to write her going through this hard time. She's a strong character, and yet she's never felt weaker in her life. Oh the emotions lol. **

**What will happen once she sees Remy? And it looks like Logan is finally beginning to snap back into action—will he begin to crack down before Rogue gets hurt? Hmm, so much, so much.**

**The lyrics used in this chapter were "Off the rails" by the Notwist**

**Anyways, please review I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Reviews = Love**

**-Lebs**


	8. Breathe

**I apologize for the late update, but I hope you enjoy this chapter—I made sure to make it longer than I originally planned since I am late with an update. **

**I just want to say thanks so much for your time and reviews, you are all the best.**

**Alright guys, you have waited long enough. I appreciate the dedication you have for this story :)**

**Annnnnnd, Action.**

"**The Pretense"**

_xXx_

_Honey you are a rock upon which I stand  
>And I come here to talk.<br>I hope you understand…_

_xXx_

The loud slam of the door could be heard as Rogue entered the pitch black apartment.

She scanned the open space as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Carelessly, she flung her keys and other belongings on the other side of the living room, not giving a second glace to the items that fell to the ground.

She was a combination of angry, tired, defeated and stressed. In one fluid motion she stripped off her athletic zip up and tiny tank top, ridding herself of the sweat drenched clothes. Once again, she was left in athletic sports bra and bottoms.

She immediately walked over the fridge to retrieve a bottle of beer, but before she reached her destination, she stopped and thought that perhaps a beer would just not do it for her today.

"Screw it, Ah need a real drink." She mumbled unapologetically, as if she was being silently judged by some unknown presence.

She instead reached up in her cabinet and brought down a number of hard liquor bottles. The majority were tequila bottles left over from the last gathering she held at her apartment with a few half-filled bottles of vodka, and whisky.

Rogue reached for a cup and filled it with a generous amount of tequila. While it was not her number one favorite, nor her signature drink, she downed it with no complaint.

Letting out a tired sigh, she let her muscles relax and allowed the alcohol take its affect.

She sauntered over to her mounds and mounds of CD's and began to look through them. She tossed the CD's aside carelessly looking for something, anything that she could remotely find herself in the mood to listen to.

"No, no, no. Ugh, this is definitely Kitty's. No, God! Kitty! What kind of crap is this? No, No, No." She continued to mumble to herself as she flipped through the different CD's, each disc getting the reject sticker of non-approval for this particular evening.

She finally came across a CD that she approved of and looked over the back side of the case to scan the different songs.

"Why not?" She exclaimed in a careless tone.

After she selected her choice of music, Rogue headed to her bathroom and turned on the shower. After she pushed the disc into the slot of her CD player, the music began to automatically play.

"_We're all young and naïve still. _

_We require certain skill. The motive changes like the wind._

_Hard to control when it begins."_

Once everything was situated, she let the sound of the first few notes take over as she stepped in the steam filled shower, causing her body to further relax.

xXx

To say that Remy didn't know what to do was an understatement.

He was at an utter loss in regards to what his next move should be. He knew that whatever he did would not include turning back. No, he had to power through and move forward.

Remy had been in New York three hours already and still, everything was up in the air in terms of his plans. In the past three hours he had already accumulated a good amount of, shall we say, information that served as useful to him…

_Two hours earlier_

"_Comrade, it is good to see you again." Piotr stoically greeted his former friend. _

"_It's great to see y' too homme." _

_Remy was glad that he made his first stop to see his old friend. He was hoping to stop for a moment and collect himself before moving on to part two of his evening plans which included confronting a southern belle. His nerves were shot, and he desperately wished that he had a glass of bourbon in his hand. However, he knew he had to suck it up and get his act together before proceeding with evening plans. So as an attempt to mentally prep/ calm himself he made the wise move of calling his former teammate, asking if it would be alright to stop by and talk. Remy knew that he could always contact John as well, but knowing how manic the fire head could get, he decided to ease his way into seeing his former teammates again, and decided to hold off on John. Luckily, Piotr was more than willing to let Remy stop by. _

_After greeting each other, they both walked over and into Piotr's living room. Piotr gestured for Remy to take a seat. Remy gave him a grateful nod and sat down. _

"_I did not know you were back in town. The last time I heard from you was—"_

"_A year ago, right before I left."_

"_Da. "_

_They both sat silently together, taking in the presence of the other. _

_Remy noticed that the apartment was somewhat in disarray, and knowing Piotr, it was not a regular occurrence for his space to be unorganized. _

"_What's with all the boxes Petey? You movin' out or something?" Remy inquired, setting the stage for a conversation so the two men could ease their way into talking to one another. _

_Piotr glanced at the newly accumulated boxes of belonging and possessions, all still packed together. Piotr, just like everyone else, was not aware of the reason that Remy had to leave last year. He simply believed that Remy and Rogue had some problems they could not work through. Piotr left it at that, he did not pry or push on either side. _

"_Actually friend, I have someone moving in." Piotr started hesitantly, knowing that his fiancé was ever so close with the girl that Remy was no doubt thinking about at this very moment. _

"_You and Johnny finally going to be roomies again?" Remy questioned with a chuckle. _

_Piotr smiled at his friend, but shook his head._

"_No, St. John is well off with Wanda."_

_Remy nodded, understanding that both John and Wanda were still together. He waited for Piotr to continue, but noticed the hesitation that crossed Piotr's face. _

" '_Den don't leave me hangin' here mon ami, who be the lucky roommate?" _

"_My fiancé." Piotr responded with a genuine smile before he continued. "Kitty and I are engaged."_

_It took a moment for Remy to process what Piotr said. His need to know more about Rogue increased as a number of thoughts were racing through his mind. Nevertheless, he kept his outward appearance cool and collected. _

"_Pete, Y' finally asked Kitty, Congratulations homme." Remy gave Piotr a smile, knowing how much Piotr loved Kitty. _

"_Thank you comrade. That means a lot to me. I am very glad that you are here, you have been missed_."

Remy sighed mostly in disappointment of himself, someone as wonderful as Piotr was still grateful to have him around, and had no problem stating that he missed Remy over the past year.

"Y' always 'ave been a _tres bon ami_ Petey. I'm sorry for not keeping in touch."

"I understand Remy. I know that there are some things in life that are very personal, and need to be sorted out in their own time. If anything, I am glad that you are back now."

Remy sighed and ran a hand through his untamed and disheveled hair, looking at his friend in all sincerity.

"I'm guessing the_ chaton_ just recently made the transition to your apartment since everything is packed up still."

"Da. Actually, we finally finished packing and moving everything out yesterday. "

Remy did not know what to think of the fact that Kitty had moved out and now Rogue was truly living by herself. Or at least, that is what he assumed was the case.

Remy decided to go for the shot and ask his friend something he had been dying to ask since he walked through the door.

"Petey, I know I ain't have a single right t' ask y' this…but how is she?"

Piotr knew very well who he was referring to. Remy had probably confided in him during his time with the X-men more than anyone else about his and Rogues relationship.

"Truthfully, I don't know."

Piotr noticed a drop in Remy's facial features, but he then expanded in his explanation.

"She is a very busy person…and I think people worry about that, especially recently." Piotr continued, "Recently I have only seen her on occasion. And these past few weeks she's been a bit hard to catch or get a hold of, probably with the moving and packing and all the work she does." Piotr stopped speaking for a moment and studied Remy.

He had his hands folded and he was slightly hunched over his gaze focused on the ground as he listened intently. Piotr let Remy soak in the words before he continued, so that he would not be overwhelmed with details.

"Kitty is the one who usually sees the most of her out of any of us these days, but with her being recently moved out, I'm not sure what will get Rogue to stay on everyone's radar. But this all just my observation, other than what I said, I do not know the inner details of how she is doing."

He watched as Remy nodded and as his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

Piotr leaned forward catching Remy's gaze.

"The question is, comrade, how are you?"

Remy's calm and collected appearance had faded, and for a moment he was vulnerable, feeling so close and yet so far from Rogue.

"I'm still vertical _mon ami._ I haven't fallen down yet." He responded coolly.

He composed himself about as quickly as he let his guard drop. Even in his vulnerable state, he was still Remy Lebeau, and there was no time for him to break, not when his mind was engulfed by the thought of someone else very important to his life breaking.

_Present Time. _

He stood outside the door to her apartment. Thanks to his visit to Piotr, he felt himself being slightly more prepared to see her again.

He had to try so hard to not to jump on Piotr and shake out information about Rogue. Yes, it was probably a good think he didn't freak out on his friend and bombard him with eighty million questions.

It was about time that he made an appearance in her life again. It had been too damn long, and he had to mentally slap himself for staying away for so long.

It was now or never.

He knocked.

No answer.

He knocked again.

Silence.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

'_She's gotta be home. She has to be.' _

xXx

Rogue looked at herself in the steamy and over fogged mirror.

"Who are you?" she mumbled half-jokingly to the person looking back at her. She had finished her shower and was currently getting herself dressed for an evening around her apartment.

She knew she was looking at herself, and yet, the person looking back at her did not look like a person she knew. Her hair hung damp and loose against her face, cascading downwards past her shoulders and ending at her bust. Her face was free of any make up, revealing her more than pale and tired appearance. Her bones were protruding in some areas, their sharp and prominent appearance displayed that she had in fact lost weight. She was dressed in a pair of black mini bedtime shorts and wore a gray long sleeve off the shoulder crew top that revealed her collarbone and right shoulder and a dark blue bedtime lace tank top peeked its way through near the shoulder area.

Rogue felt the heavy weight of her emotions start to creep back to the forefront of her mind, and with a shaky hand she reached up to rub her forehead in attempt to calm herself down. She realized that she was so busy earlier today that she hadn't eaten much other than the banana that she had with her coffee. At this point, she could care less about eating, she was not hungry and just wanted to decompress and head to bed.

'_Ah'll just do an early breakfast date with Kitty at the mansion.'_ Rogue thought to herself. Since tomorrow was Sunday, it was usually the day mostly everyone could get together for a bit at the mansion on a type of 'come if you can make it' basis and eat breakfast/brunch if they were free. That way, she would see Kitty, ease her friend's ridiculous worried mind, and even make a healthy appearance and socialize to appease her friends that she has seen so little of these past few weeks.

Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she shrugged and then walked out of her bathroom and made her way towards the living room.

As she walked, she couldn't shake the feelings of fatigue and stress. She was about to place her hand on the wall for support, but stopped mid thought and instead came to a sudden halt.

Rogue's voice caught in her throat, and her eyebrows began to knit together in confusion as she felt more self-conscious and scared than she had ever felt before in her life

All that her eyes could focus on were a pair of red on black orbs, staring intently back at her.

Rogue's voice simply would not sound, and with every fiber in her body, she could not for the life of her say a single word. She felt the pounding in her chest quicken, and a familiar pain creep its way to her chest.

She was not prepared to walk out of her bathroom to find Remy standing in familiar surroundings, and yet there he was, watching her with such concern and longing.

Remy watched the person in front of him. This girl looked tired, tiny, and different. His eyes studied each and every inch of her body, of her appearance, of his Rogue.

She looked…strong, but tired, confident but vulnerable, capable but exhausted. Pete wasn't exaggerating, she looked so unlike herself and he found that more concerning.

Even though the concern he felt towards her physical appearance was evident, he also could not hold back from thinking about how much he wanted to attack her with his hands to kiss, explore and make love to the girl in front of him. _'She's so damn beautiful.' _He thought, staring at her.

Rogue, on the other hand, wanted so badly to feel something other than what she was feeling at this moment.

She thought she would feel so much anger if she saw him again, knowing that anger was easier to muster than the sadness that was buried underneath. She could not describe the feeling that was stirring in her, watching as Remy just stood there in what used to be their apartment. Rogue once thought that anger emitted heat, but all she could feel was a freezing cold pit in her stomach.

'_He's here…this can't be real.' _

And then after a few moments of silence, Remy boldly decided to be the first one to speak,

"One question, does Mexico know 'dat you took all of their tequila?" He asked with a raised eyebrow glancing over by the liquor bottles.

And in an instant, he was getting under this southern belles skin again. He set the tone with a lighthearted atmosphere, waiting to see what she would do with the bait. Remy knew he couldn't jump into this confrontation with Rogue in one swift motion; he had started slowly to ensure that she wouldn't real back in fear. He mostly asked the question about the alcohol more so to know if she had been drinking a lot. After he had picked the lock to her door to get in, he did not like entering the apartment and seeing her own personal bar set up in the kitchen. He didn't hear any movement and his mind jumped to conclusions, thinking that maybe she had passed out or blacked out. Right before he was about to sprint to her bedroom, he heard the turning of the bathroom knob, and Remy was left with nothing to do but stand there frozen until she approached him.

'_She hasn't screamed at me or lashed out at me yet...'dat must be some kind of a good sign, nont?' _

Rogue still did not say anything but continued to stare at Remy, she felt that overwhelming feeling in her chest again and her eyes shifted away from his in an attempt to calm herself. She did not want him staring at her the way he currently was.

"Now bourbon," He continued as he casually leaned against the wall, cocking his head to try and catch her gaze again, "That is a nice and honest drink."

Upon hearing his words Rogue brought her gaze back to his, as if she were restraining herself from breaking the dam of pent up aggressions and emotions that she could feel contorting inside her.

She finally found it in herself to speak.

"Nice and honest, huh?" She repeated slowly. Her attitude was surprisingly calm, and yet Remy knew for a fact that she was not as cool and unaffected as she was currently playing herself off to be.

"Oui. Classier than whisky, and less of a stick up its ass than scotch." He clarified in a matter of fact tone.

"Sure."

There was that painful silence that began to form between them again.

This was ridiculous, she comes out of the shower to find him standing there, observing her as if he believes he is entitled to look at her that way. The frustrations she was feeling began to make themselves present as she crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously, and shot him and irritated look.

"So, what? Are you just breaking entering's now?" She questioned glancing at her door and then back to him.

"More like coming to see the person I have not been able to get off my mind for over a year now."

He watched as her bothered demeanor cracked. Her eyes were giving her away… those green eyes. Those pools of endless emeralds that had now taken on a dimmed gray hue. She looked so sad, so broken. He waited for a response but she did not give one. Instead he let out a sigh and took a step towards her.

"I needed to see you, chere. To talk t' y-"

"Don't. Don't call me that." Her voice cracked emotionally, partly from feeling exhausted and partly from the stress her body began to feel.

Rogue wanted to take a step back, but she could not move her body. Actually, she could feel herself becoming lightheaded, and did not dare move until the feeling passed so she wouldn't sway and make herself look more disoriented than she felt in front of Remy.

"Are you okay?" She heard a voice ask, realizing that she had been rubbing her forehead to help ease away the feeling of fatigue.

"Ah'm fine." She admitted, meeting his eyes once again, noticing that he looked worried. She began to feel scared by the gap that Remy was slowly filling between them, physically and metaphorically.

"Y' being stubborn."

In an attempt to rid his face of that worried look, she cocked her head to the side, her features never faltering for a second.

"Have Ah shocked you?" She inquired sarcastically, trying to keep Remy at arm's length away.

"Touché."

That unfriendly silence appeared again, making Remy feel as though he would lose his opportunity in regards to talking to Rogue.

He took a few steps towards her again, making that distance between then smaller and smaller.

"Rouge." He said her name with such longing. "We need to talk. We _really _need to talk." He told her firmly. He couldn't stop at this rate. He came back for a reason, and that reason was standing in front of him refusing to make eye contact.

"Ah don't want to talk."

He took a deep breathe.

"We need to. We never talked that night Rogue, we were too upset with what was going on in our own worlds 'dat we forgot to let each other in. And 'den…we just let each other go."

"Ah don't want to do this." Rogue told him in a hushed and serious tone, rubbing her face with her hands. "Ah can't do this. Ah can't do this right now Remy." Rogue told him in all seriousness, feeling that wave of dizziness come over her. She felt like she was about to buckle and hit the ground, her body was completely spent, and the current situation was not making her any less stressed. Even so, she continued to hold her ground

Remy noticed the change in her appearance, but he decided that he needed to push this. He had been holding back and keeping his distance for far too long.

"Would you please listen to me, Rogue? I just…I just want t' understand. I want to understand what was happening with you. "

She was silent and could not respond, she was too focused on the pain she felt forming in her body. Her heart began to pound erratically and the pain in her chest was causing her to let out shaky breathes. She was not okay. Something was not right.

"To understand what happened, you would have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on me full time." She responded to appease the silence.

Remy looked at her quizzically. She was dodging his questions left and right. His confusion only continued to grow as she walked past him.

Rogue needed space. She needed to make this feeling pass. Her back was facing him, but Remy stood behind her waiting patiently for her to turn around and face him again.

"Rogue…I've missed you. Y' have no idea girl…I need to tell y' so much. And I need y' t' talk t' me too."

Rogue's head was pounding and she was scared by how much the pounding in her chest increased. She placed a hand on her chest, but her concern only grew when she realized she was shaking. She needed help.

"Remy, A-ah can't-"

Remy sadly sighed, and cut her off in order to ease her emotions. "Yes you can Rogue. I know you want to talk t' me, you can tell me anything, Okay? "

He placed a hand on her shoulder but his eyes grew wide when he realized she was shaking. She turned around and shook her head frantically, he did not understand her.

"No! Remy, Ah don't mean that-" She yelled, still trying to keep herself from falling.

"- A-ah can't breathe!" She cried out to him in choppy breaths as her legs finally gave out, causing her to fall forward. The feeling of exhaustion and fatigue all came crashing down as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

It all happened in an instant. When Remy finally realized what was happening, he watched in horror as she fell forward, and caught her convulsing body.

_And honey you should know  
>That I could never go on without you<br>Green eyes  
>Green eyes<em>

_xXx_

**And there you have it. Rogue and Remy face to face again. Seems like they both still are not on the common ground. **

**So, Remy is back. **

**Rogue is not well in terms of her health. **

**They both apparently have a lot of talking to do, and Rogue seems to have had an attack of some time. Could all the stress, exhaustion and eating habits finally be catching up with her? Hm. Will she be able to open up to Remy again? **

**Remy on the other hand is utterly perplexed. He thought she was having a hard time talking to him about their relationship, but in actuality she was not feeling well. How could he be feeling after seeing Rogue broken and literally fall apart right in front of him for the second time? Probably not very good. Hm. **

**Haha, ok—end recap :) By the way, Lyrics were inspired by "Green Eyes" by Coldplay, and the music Rogue had on when in the shower was "Young Blood" by the Naked & Famous. **

**Please REVIEW. Your input and comments are very much appreciated. **

'**til the next chapter,**

**-Lebs**


	9. Thump, Thump, Thump

**I know it has been quite awhile, so I will let you just dive right in.**

**Thank you to those who are still reading, and thank you to those who are just beginning.**

**This chapter took a lot of time, it had to be just right. I hope it's everything you've wanted. **

"**The Pretense"**

xXx

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky one__.  
>'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.<br>__Setting fire to our insides for fun__  
><em>_Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong__  
>The lovers that went wrong.<br>_

xXx 

Rogue opened her eyes, but winced at the bright lights that overpowered her vision.

Her senses became more alert when she felt a cool breeze glide across her face.

'_What's going on…what happened?' _She thought, her head still throbbing in pain.

She reached around on her sides in an attempt to gain a sense of her environment. She caressed the soft fabric that lay beneath her. Her body, from her midsection downwards, was tucked immaculately underneath her own bedroom comforter.

'_Ah'm in my room?'_

Her vision was still adjusting, and her surroundings still came out as disoriented, but after a long, foggy moment, Rogue recognized that she was in her own bed, '_But how did Ah get here?'_

She looked up at her digital clock, the numbers flashing from 5:59, to 6:00 AM. She also noticed that someone had cracked her bedroom window open, and the breeze gently glided inside, the air smelt crisp, like fallen leaves.

A cold compress was set upon her forehead, but she reached up to remove it, and then winced at a sharp pain that continued to linger.

'_How the hell did Ah get here? Ah took a shower, headed to the living room…and then…'_

Her eyes grew wide. It all came back in a flash by flash sequence, walking into the hallway, seeing Remy, the stress, the argument, and then the anxiety.

'_Oh mah God...' _Her thoughts turned to Remy.

He had come back. He had been there when she walked into the hallway, and was standing right in front of her, like a mirage.

Rogue's mind was a mixture of images from that confrontation. She propped herself upright, and began to glance around as if searching for some proof, some answers regarding the previous events.

Before she had a chance to process any more details, someone reached out to calm her.

"Hey, hey, it's ok, you're ok, just relax," said a voice accompanied by two dainty hands that reached out to steady her weak body.

Rogue looked over to the person sitting next to her and was surprised to see Kitty. A look of relief and worry was spread across her face.

"Kitty, what are you—why am I—what did—why are you here?" Her words were choppy and thrown out nervously.

'_Remy had been here, hadn't he? He was the one waiting for me, arguing with me, watching me so intently, wasn't he?'_

"What happened, Kitty?"

Kitty stared at her friend, her own brows knit together as she tried to find the words to explain herself Rogue.

"God, Rogue, you completely passed out! The only reason you're here and not at a hospital is because you're breathing became regular again and you stopped shaking. You were still burning up, but we finally got you to cool down," Kitty took a seat at the edge of Rogue's bedside before continuing. She looked back at Rogue and switched to a softer, less frantic tone. "I feel like I should be asking you what happened…you haven't had an episode like this in almost a year now and—"

"What did you mean by _'We'_?" Rogue asked in a sharp voice, her tone still raspy and weak.

"Rogue—"

"He was here, wasn't he? Ah swear to God he was here...he…he was, wasn't he?" Rogue's words were thrown together in confusion, a mesh of her mind trying to work with her mouth. Rogue's eyes, red from exhaustion, searched Kitty's face for some clarity.

Kitty knew her friend well, maybe even too well. She watched as Rogue tensed up, as if already building up her barrier, piece by piece. Kitty also knew that this anxiety attack could have been much, much, worse. But Kitty was trying to reach her friend, and she was trying to give her a chance to talk and open up about what was wrong.

Kitty was trying so hard not to jump into overprotective friend mode, but, God, seeing Rogue like this was like reliving last year all over again.

Kitty ran her hands through her short and styled hair, a nervous habit she had for years now.

'_Don't jump to conclusions Kit, a lot happened…just start from the beginning,'_ Kitty thought to herself before taking a deep breath.

"Remy's here," said Kitty.

Rogue ran her right hand through her hair nervously, but did not say anything.

Kitty frowned at Rogue's unresponsive nature, but took her silence as an opportunity to come clean about her knowledge on the situation.

"Rogue, I haven't been completely upfront with you," Kitty began.

Rogue straightened up in her bed, her brows knit together and she waited apprehensively for Kitty to continue.

Kitty took a deep breath, looked away, but nevertheless continued, "Remy called a few weeks back asking about you, it was about the time I was packing to move out, and I, like, never told you…I hadn't heard from him since that call. But then I came home and Piotr told me everything. About how Remy was back in town and stopped by. Piotr said he was really upset and that he asked about you," Kitty was nervous as she turned back to look at Rogue.

The Southern belle's jaw was set tightly together and her eyes took on more of a gray hue as she stared intensely back at Kitty.

Kitty once again took her unresponsive demeanor as an opportunity to continue, "It didn't take a genius to figure out he would come right over to see you, and I was nervous that there would be this big, like, blowout, or something worse, so I rushed right over. When I came in I heard some shouting, but once I turned the corner into the hall I saw you completely passed out in Remy's arms on the floor."

Kitty waited nervously for Rogue to snap back, for the obligatory backlash that she knew was coming her way the moment she mentioned that she hadn't been upfront with her best friend.

She waited for Rogue to yell at her, to say that she was being intrusive and should back the hell off.

Instead, Rogue remained still.

A few moments passed by, and still, nothing.

In all truth, Kitty would have felt some sense of relief if Rogue yelled back at her. Her silence was more unnerving than her lashing out.

Rogue closed her eyes and brought her hand to her head.

'_Everything hurts...why does it still hurt?'_

Kitty tried her best to keep calm, but knew that she herself was never one to hold back when it came to talking. So, driven by concern, her words began to spill out in a speedy manner, "Rogue, I didn't know you weren't feeling well lately! You should have said something, you know? And I, like, know Remy being back is a whole other thing entirely, and, like, I don't wanna blow this up and get something started with Professor Xavier or Logan, but I'm worried! I'm already anxious for not listening to Remy about taking you to a hospital, and for telling him you're ok, just 'dehydrated and tired', but I just wanted to believe all this was built up from stress, and probably dehydration from all the drinking last night, at least I'm going to try and play if off like that for now, but God, I feel like some awful friend or something!"

Again, It all slowly came back to Rogue.

_The fight, the shaking, Remy_….

Her eyes scanned the room and landed on the chair by her dresser. A brown trench coat hung off of the back while a cell phone, pack of cigarettes and set of keys were tossed on top of a side table nearby.

Remy was back. This really wasn't in her head. He was back and now she had to deal with the repercussions.

She took a deep breath in order to keep herself collected.

She had wondered what explanation Kitty gave Remy about her current state of being. Now she knew that Kitty had given a watered down version of why she passed out to ease any worry on his part—exhaustion, dehydration, temperature maybe? They were all believable. And Rogue was grateful that Kitty was giving her this space and wiggle room. Although she knew that Kitty would not for a second stop worrying, and if something were to happen again, her reaction would not land on the mild scale, and that the Professor, Logan and Hank would be included in an instant.

'_Ah can't fall apart.'_ Rogue thought as she continued to listen to Kitty go on a tangent.

"I mean, you would tell me if something was going on with you, right Rogue? I just…I just need you to tell me if I should be worried, or if all this was just an overload from the night before." Kitty stared at Rogue, waiting for some response.

Rogue felt her heart sink as she stared at her friend. She knew Kitty wanted desperately to know if she had made a mistake by believing Rogue's current situation was a fluke.

"Ah…" Rogue began weakly, but felt a sharp pain surge through her head and a series of voices overpower her mind.

'_Don't fall apart,'_

_Thump, thump._

'_Don't lose it,'_

_Thump, thump._

'_Let me out!'_

_Thump, thump. _

'_You can't afford to let go again,'_

_Thump, thump. _

_"I needed to see you, chere. To talk t' y-"_

_Thump, thump._

'_I'm so sorry, but you lost the baby…'_

_Thump, thump, thump!_

'_Stop, you're hurting me!'_

Rogue snapped back to reality when she felt Kitty place her dainty hand upon her own pale one. She saw that Kitty's was still staring at her, now with a bit more hesitance and concern, waiting on a reply.

She pushed some sweaty stands of white hair behind her ear, and took a deep breath. God everything hurt. But she had to make Kitty feel okay right now, "Ah'm okay…Ah'm just…"

Rogue's words trailed off, her head was still twisting and turning with the notion of Remy. He had hardly been addressed at all during their whole conversation, and he was the one who had been there to watch it all happen.

Their last conversation had ended in a less than civil manner. The argument got the better of her and it landed her where she was now, weak, vulnerable, and in bed. Rogue looked back up Kitty.

"Where is he?" Rogue asked cautiously, almost scared of the answer she might receive.

Kitty, dissatisfied that Rogue hadn't given her a full answer, looked over at the chair with his trench coat and then back at Rogue.

"He wouldn't leave your side. It took everything possible to get him to step out for a few minutes to get some food, coffee, or something. I finally got him to get some fresh air…He was pretty upset…" She said and watched as Rogue said nothing but cross her arms across her chest in response.

Kitty sighed, "Rogue, I don't know what's going on with you, or what happened with you and Remy. To be honest, no one really knows what happened. But he's back now…so that has to mean something, right?"

A small part of Rogue wanted to break, right then and there. She wanted to tell Kitty everything, how there was so much going on with the both of them, that Remy simply coming back would not fix it all. But before anything else could be said or done, Kitty's phone began to vibrate and ring, she looked down at the caller then looked back at her friend.

"I'm going to step out for a bit, I promised Piotr I would give him a call as soon as you were awake, he was freaking out like crazy. He's the only other one who knows what's going on here," Kitty stood up and began to walk towards the door, "Listen, I'm going to give you some space, but this isn't over, okay? I'm just really glad you're awake Rogue."

Kitty gave her a small half smile and then left the room.

Rogue was left with only her thoughts to keep her company.

She wasn't sure what to do, or what to think. She looked down at her hands and began to twist and wring her fingers, a nervous habit that she was never able to break.

"Just breathe…" She mumbled quietly to herself.

_We are the reckless,  
>We are the wild youth<br>Chasing visions of our futures  
>One day we'll reveal the truth<br>That one will die before he gets there._

She thought back to the tension that had grown between her and Remy. A knot began to form in her stomach when she thought of their past, that night one year ago, and their unresolved discussion—

Rogue's breath caught in her throat when Remy's words sliced deep in her mind, _'We never talked that night Rogue, we were too upset with what was going on in our own worlds 'dat we forgot to let each other in. And 'den…we just let each other go.'_

It was an overwhelming thought…to relive that night or to discuss the miscarriage when she herself was still trying to make sense of the event. Remy never knew, and until she was in the emergency room, she had no idea either.

It was alive inside of her for twelve weeks before the incident, and they had told her at the hospital that it was like the fetus's energy was just… '_drained_'. It just stopped living.

In the end, they assured her that it was "just one of those things that could happen", but Rogue knew better. The responsibility weighed heavy on her every damn night.

And the fact that she couldn't take it all back, try to save it, or bring herself to admit all the pain of that day to Remy was unbearable.

Rogue suddenly felt trapped. She became panicked and quickly sat all the way upright in bed, then tried to stand.

"Ah can't be here,"She whispered to herself.

Maybe she could just write a note and take off? Just to get space, some air, something, "Come on Rogue, just get your fucking act together," It was like the walls were closing in on her, and all she could do was feel the heaviness within her chest.

She could feel her body become tight from anxiety, while the empty and silent room contributed to her current state of disorientation.

Once on her feet, she made her way to her dresser and threw a few of her items in a bag.

Her movements were a mess of fumbled actions, as she tried to extricate herself from a situation she was unable to face.

"Chère?"

She couldn't hear his voice, the world around her would not register. She continued to try and get herself out, out of the room, out of that apartment, out of anything and everything she could not handle on her own anymore.

Remy watched as his love was being held captive in a world of anger and grief, washed up by some type of frustration or fear that he could not begin to understand. The look of sadness and defeat on her face made his heart knot up in an aching fit. He approached her carefully but grew worried when he realized she was fumbling around searching for a way out. Seeing her on her feet instead of the bed made Remy concerned.

"What the hell are you doing—stop that!" In one swift motion he was at her side, both his hands gripped her shoulders, stopping her from her packing frenzy. She tried to twist and pull away.

In response to her protests, Remy's grip only tightened.

"Let meh go!" She shouted, finally making eye contact with the one person she couldn't bear to see. All she could think was that it shouldn't be this way, that she shouldn't have to feel so defeated and that he shouldn't have to see her this way.

"Hey, hey…shh, calm down, ok? Calm down, Chère—"

"Ah can't calm down! Ah can't think straight, all Ah can think about is…Ah mean, Ah can't—Oh God," Rogue stammered, her words thrown together and half mumbled. Her eyes were wet with tears that she wouldn't let fall.

Remy stared at Rogue, his eyes probing hers as he waited for her to keep talking to him. When he saw those tears forming, his bold brows creased together in distress and he pulled her back to bed, even as she continued to try and distance herself from him and his firm grasp. Either he was too strong or she was too weak, because her efforts to escape failed.

"Rogue, c'mon, I need y' to talk t' me, where is your head at?" Remy asked, this girl wasn't okay, no matter what Kitty tried to spoon feed him earlier, he knew better.

_Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,  
>I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget,<br>And my eyes are damp from the words you left,  
>Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.<br>Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest._

"Ah didn't ask you to come back! Ah don't want this…Ah don't want any of this!" She told him, her voice harsh and full of pain

Rogue did not give Remy a chance to process her words, instead she continued to let the words spill out like a waterfall .

"Ah was the one who told you to leave, Ah made you take off because Ah couldn't even look at you, Remy! You can't just show up again expecting for things to be the same, we're not going to go back to the way we were! Ah've been getting along just fine, and Ah will keep being fine, because it's what Ah have to do if Ah'm going to get past all this! Ah don't want to think about that night, because it hurts, God it still hurts and Ah'm still so fucking angry, for more reasons than you're ever going to know!"

Remy was taken aback, and his face fell at her severe tone. However, the verbal slap she just gave him was the most she had said since the moment he came back.

Remy knew that he could be just as stubborn if need be, and he did not back down. Instead he locked his gaze on her, his eyes searching for answers. His serious demeanor never faltered, he wanted so badly for her to talk to him. Her lashing out was at least a start.

"How about y' tell me what the hell has really been going on wit' y'." He persisted, his request being more a demand than a question.

Her facial expression turned cold, but he saw a flash of guilt and sorrow cross her face, if not only for a moment, before her walls were built and her exterior was once again hard.

"If y' ain't going t' say anythin' I will," Remy began, then moved closer to her. She tensed up, but did not push him away, not yet at least.

"You wanted me to leave, an' I did. A big part o' 'dat was because I thought I was doin' more harm 'den good. But also because a part of me still was that selfish kid 'dat I used t' be years ago. I didn't even try to keep you. I broke, an' so did you. I knew how bad you were hurting, I knew how angry y' were, and I just left. I'm so fucking sorry 'dat I didn't fight harder for y', that I lied to y, that I couldn't be there when y' lost the baby—"

Rogue tore her gaze away from Remy, and summoned all her energy to push off the bed "Stop it! Ah don't want to hear this!" She shouted while shaking her head and walking towards the door.

"Y' honestly think I'm gunna believe y' when y' say y' ok? Because I don't think that for a goddamn second!" He stood up and followed her from behind, never once dropping the matter at hand, "Y' forgettin' that I know you better than anyone. And I know y' ain't fine, especially after somethin' like that happened to y'. Rogue, y' need t' tell me how it happened, just help me understand, and please, don't lie. Seems y' been doing that to yourself too much lately."

She whipped around to face him, as if some force of anger and adrenaline had rushed through her veins, "Don't you dare lecture meh on lying, Lebeau. You don't know the first thing about what the hell Ah haven been going through or what Ah have been feeling."

"Y' right, I don't know, because y' won't let me in! I ain't an' idiot Rogue! I've rolled wit' 'de best of liars, an' I know y' didn't jus' pass out last night! It was a panic attack or a seizure, or somethin' wit' your head. And 'de fact that y' just tryin' t' brush 'dis under the rug says it all. Y'ain't fine—"

"Shut up!"

"And the only reason y' still here and not hooked up t' some monitor at the hospital is because y' got Kitty an' probably all the other X-men fooled an' have been keepin' 'em at arm's length! I don't believe y' bullshit story about y' _'just not feelin' well,'_ or whatever else y' been comin' up with fo' excuses," Remy stated assertively. He took in her expression, a mixture of shock and pain. He had no idea what was going through that head of hers, but come hell or high water, he was going to get her to open up to him again.

They stood there, face to face. Neither one of them making any indication that they would back down. Rogue took in a deep breath and raked her hands through her hair, pushing back the sweat clad pieces of hair away from her face. She kept her eyes on Remy as he took a few steps toward her. The gap he began to fill made her anxious once again, and she took a couple steps backwards until she was out the door and back into the hallway.

"Don't," She pleaded putting her hands up to indicate that he should not come closer.

And it was within that moment that it all really clicked for Remy. There was something within Rogue that was causing her to make this huge disconnect with the people around her, something that she couldn't face on her own.

She was facing her own demons, but he still had no idea what she was hiding behind that wall of hers. She was keeping it hidden, and way too close to the vest.

"Until y' open up and let me back in, hell, let anyone in, I don't think y' ever goin' t' be okay. Something's eatin' away at y' and somethin' is tellin' me that it goes far beyond our relationship," Remy stated, and despite her insistence that he stay away, he continued to move closer to her, "Whatever it is that's going on wit' y', an' I mean _really _goin' on wit' y', goes so much deeper than just you an' me, doesn't it?"

She looked away, and held herself, arms crossed over her chest tightly, as if she were trying to keep her insides from pouring out.

"I knew how bad y' were hurting, I knew how angry y' were, and I just left. I will beat myself up every single day for my mistake, hoping to God that you'll give me—_us_ a second chance. I'm not going anywhere this time, Chère. Just let me help y'. Let me be there for y' again."

He watched as Rogue tried to maintain her composure. Her facial expression was no longer cold, however, it looked like she was in pain. It was as if she was battling with an internal force, however she was not winning. She closed her eyes and brought her hands to her head.

'_Drained.'_

_Thump, thump, thump._

'_Gone.'_

_Thump, thump, thump._

"Rogue?"

She removed her hands from her head and looked back at Remy.

Remy had a gut feeling as to what was causing her to feel this pain, but he needed to know for sure. He had been holding back and keeping his distance for far too long. He took a few more steps and closed the gap. He brought his hands to cradle her face making it so she could not look anywhere but straight at him.

Rogue was unable to respond to this gesture at first, she was too focused on the pain she felt forming in her body.

_Thump, Thump, Thump._

_Thump, Thump._

_Thump. _

"Don't, please…" She pleaded nervously, the closeness in proximity was about to push her over the edge.

Remy brushed a few stray pieces of hair behind her ear before approaching her about what was eating away at his mind and heart.

"What happened wit' the baby, Rogue?" Remy asked gently in hopes that she would answer.

And with that, it was if he had set off a red alarm within her. Rogue's eyes became sharp and severe. She couldn't do it. She wasn't ready. Hell, she wasn't ready for anything that had happened within the past twenty four hours.

She removed his hands from her face before she responded in an empty and defeated voice, "Doesn't matter anymore. It's gone. Just like we are." Her words held a heaviness to them that made Remy's heart clench. Before he could respond or retaliate, she spun on her heel and moved like lightening out the apartment door, grabbing her car keys along the way.

_And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,  
>'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.<br>Setting fire to our insides for fun,  
>To distract our hearts from ever missing them.<br>But I'm forever missing him._

xXx

**And there you have it, round two with our two favorite Southerners. **

**Although, this time, there were things to say on both their parts. Rogue is still not okay, because the psyches and other antagonistic forces are eating away at her mind. She's tried her best to keep all the emotions locked up for a year now, but the cold, raw, reality of the miscarriage is seeping out. She cannot shake the fact that she hurt the baby. So much so that she can't even bring herself to talk about with Remy. **

**I wonder what will happen from here. Hm.**

**The Song lyrics that are italicized throughout this chapter are from the song "Youth" by Daughter. If you don't know it, give it a listen before or after you read the chapter :)**

**Thank you so much to those of you who have been following this story. In all honestly, life happened and I did not have the opportunity to really sit down and do the proper editing and alterations that this chapter deserved. You all rock for keeping up with this story. **

**Likes, Dislikes, Suggestions? Please REVIEW. Your input and comments are very much appreciated. **

'**til the next chapter,**

**-Lebs**


End file.
